okay and so the story continues... for first time visitors don't forget to start from Chapter 1! haha sorry I know that was kind of common sense.. =D

Chapter 4
The taxi ride to West Coast Park took me fifteen minutes. By then, night had fallen and I had already stopped shedding tears. There were not many people around. Landy came an hour later and we climbed up the tall pyramid-shaped playground, lying on the ropes.

“You really want to tell him everything, don’t you?” Landy said. “Coz you feel like you’ve got a… bond with him.”

“He’ll get killed by me.” I whispered. “I don’t want danger to befall him.”

“But you really want to tell him about your problems. You really wanna tell him about your curse. I support you.”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, why not we play a game? If he’s here within fifteen minutes, you’ll tell him about your problems, okay? If not, we’ll sleep here for the night. Are you game for it?”

I looked up at the starless night. He would not be able to find me, I thought. “Deal.”

“Well then, I’m going down.” Landy reached down, grabbed the rope below and slowly made her way down.“Huh?”

“Look down, my friend.” By then, Landy had reached the ground. She waved at me and I understood what she meant at the moment I looked down. Jacky, still in his uniform, walked past her. When he saw me, he smiled broadly and climbed up the ropes, flaunting his lean biceps. Within a few seconds he was sitting beside me.

“How did you know I was here?” I said. “Landy called you?”

“Who’s Landy?” Jacky shrugged and shook his head.

“The girl who just walked past you.”

“Did anyone walk past me just now?” he furrowed his brows. “I didn’t notice. I just saw you.”

“Then how did you know I’d be here?”

“I installed a tracer on your handphone. You know, like those tracers that secret agents use? I bought it on the black market. Cost me a bomb.”

I bit my lip and ignored his pointless remark.

“Joanna, can I tell you something?”

I nodded, stunned at his seriousness. He never usually bothered to request permission when he asked questions. What he had just said freaked me out. My eyes were fixed to the ground, my hand toying with the ropes that supported our weight.

“I know it’s one of the hardest things to do in the world… I know it’s like asking you to stuff your fist into your mouth or it’s like asking you to eat caterpillars but…” he paused. I shivered. Gosh, he looked really serious when he was not smiling. “Will you… will you, believe me?”

“Believe you?” I twisted my head, almost relieved. “What do you mean?” I was not expecting him to say something so simple. “Lend me an hour of your time. In this hour, I really hope you can believe in everything I say. Will you?”

I clenched my hand into a fist, thinking hard. I then recalled the deal I had with Landy. “Okay, I believe. Now, what do you want to say?”

“Tell me about your problems. Joanna, you’ll not fail if you keep trying.”

“No! No one can help-”

“Joanna!” And he did it: He held my hand and cried, “Believe me!”

I shook my head a few times, trying hard to believe him. I will not fail if I keep trying? I had always been trying… but I always failed. I’d given up hope on everything, choosing instead to live in my own world.

A minute passed silently. I gazed fixedly at the starless sky. Time seemed to be crawling by callously. I grabbed a rope, preparing to leap down when Landy’s words came to mind again. With that thought, I looked up at Jacky. His eyes darted towards mine. It was then I realized he was still holding on to my left hand.

“Believe me.” He repeated as he released my hand. I felt a surge of loss. “What is the reason that causes you to be so reserved? How did your parents… pass away?”

Tears started to well up in my eyes. I wanted so much to lay my head on his shoulder but I feared he might feel uncomfortable. I shook my head a few times to hold back my tears. It was not an easy task. “I killed them.”

“Tell me more. Let me help.”

“You can’t help!” I yelled, my voice echoing in the quiet night.

“Believe in me!”

“You wouldn’t-”

“You have to be-”

“It’s too complica-”

“Believe me!”“No one can help-”

“I can help you. I really can. Let me help, please. Believe in me.”

Somehow, my heart melted and I gave in. “I was born into a perfect family. I had a father who drove a taxi and a mother who cooked for others.” I started, not daring to face him.

“That’s very good. Go on.”

“We lived simply, yet happily. My dad worked seven days a week. Every night, I would wait for my father to buy supper for us. The three of us would eat while watching television. That late night meal was the only time for us to be together. I would tell them about the new bully at school. They would teach me how to fight back.”

“You’ve got good parents.” Jacky cut in, obviously just to prove that he was still listening.

“Life was perfect. Just so perfect. Until one day… one day…” Whenever the memories flowed back, I would choke on my tears. Jacky patted me on my back, encouraging me to keep my composure. I knew if I was to tell him about myself, I would have to overcome those memories. “One day… that day…” I took a long, deep breath. “It all happened.”

“The day started like any other day. My father ate his breakfast in a rush and then went to work. As usual, I yelled ‘Drive carefully, Dad’ to him before he stepped out of the house. I was in school, listening to the teacher telling us everything about how apples drop to the ground when I saw my mother outside the classroom.

“I remembered that day, we were supposed to have a spelling test yet I had forgotten to bring the exercise book. I thought my mother was just there to pass me my book. Little did I expect it to be something more than just a book.

“She grabbed my hand and we left the school. No words were exchanged. We went into a taxi, and when she cried, I sensed something was wrong. Then she hugged me, and I knew it was bad news.”

I paused. I needed a break from the bad memories flooding back. Jacky flashed his trademark smile and patted my shoulder. We stayed that way for a few more minutes.

“My father had died in a car accident. In his desperate attempt to fetch a passenger, he neglected his own safety. A lorry crashed his car. He died instantly. I was only twelve then. I cried everyday, waiting for my supper to come. But every night, only memories of my Dad came back. I could no longer tell him about the new bully that came to my school.

“My mother, strangely, indirectly blamed me for his death. She claimed that had I not told my father to drive carefully, he might not have died. It made no sense at all. With my father’s death, my mother quit her job and turned into a drunkard. She would return every night stinking of alcohol. I had no idea where she got the money.

“I was totally depressed with my broken family. I met a group of friends when I was in Secondary One in a stairway. They introduced to me ways to relax: smoking, drinking. I was lured in by the luxury of not having to care. I smoked my days away.”

“I cannot imagine you were once a smoker.” Jacky said.

“I was. Home was just a place for me to seek quarrels. I tried my best to stay away from my house. My mother would always call me names like ‘jinx’ or ‘bitch’, even in her sober mind. Finally, one day, I had enough. I put all my clothes into a bag and shouted to her, ‘I hope you’ll die in a car accident, just like daddy. And I hope you’ll get crushed by a big lorry!’ After that, I stayed in my friend’s house for two days.

“And two days later…” I was shuddering now, my tears rolling out like there was no tomorrow. I tried to brush them away but they kept coming. I felt like jumping down to the ground now, ending the ordeal once and for all. Jacky’s hand was still clutching mine. Without warning, he embraced me, his body warming me up. He was shuddering along with me. I dropped my head onto his shoulder and whispered, “Two days later, my mother was crushed by a big lorry. She died on the spot.”

Chapter 5
There was a long period of silence. I wiped my tears off but they kept on coming. Jacky stroked me gently on my back, as if it would help to stop my sobbing. In that moment, I really wished I would wake up in the comfort of my bed and realize that everything had just been a dream.

I guessed I had regretted telling Jacky everything. No one knew about all this except Landy. I had tried so hard to bury my past but Jacky’s persistence had caused me to dig it out. I pushed Jacky off, knowing I could not lay my head on his shoulder forever. To my surprise, he was wearing a smile, not at all surprised by my story.

“And you believe you caused the death of your mother? Because of the ‘curse’ that you have?” he said.

I nodded.

“Silly, Joanna. There’s a word known as ‘coincidence’. It just happened to be a coincidence.”

This time round, I shook my head. “A few days after my mother’s death, I had a quarrel with one of my friends. In the midst of the quarrel, I…” I paused again. It was hard to dig out a past that had been buried away for so long. “I said, ‘You’re so stubborn, your boyfriend is gonna leave you soon!’. And a few days later, her boyfriend broke up with her.”

“Well, two coincidences.”

“I once scolded a taxi driver for speeding. I said he would soon get into an accident if he continued to speed. He ignored my warnings and the next day, the newspaper reported that a taxi had smashed onto a tree. Luckily the taxi driver suffered no serious injury. I’ve always hoped it was just coincidences, Jacky. It’s not. It’s a curse. I’m cursed. Every bad thing I say will come true.”

“That’s the reason why you’re so quiet? So… introverted?”

I nodded. “More or less. Trust me, it’s not coincidences. There’re more examples of my curse. I dare not talk, for fear I may ‘accidentally’ curse others. It’s not my fault.”

Jacky bit his lip. A few seconds later, he mouthed, “I remembered you once said you’ve got friends outside JC. Is it true?”

“Just one friend. Name’s Landy. Strangely…” I stopped, wondering if I should tell Jacky about Landy or not. I thought, since I had already told him so much, why not tell him about Landy as well? “She isn’t affected by my curses. I had accidentally cursed her a few times but she seems to be immune to it. Nothing happens after my curses. Hence she has always been my best friend.”

I told him more about Landy, on how we first met and how she visited me frequently just for a chat. “My grandmother will open the door for her when I’m not in. However my grandmother always forgets she does that. She has poor memory and poor eyesight.”

“Landy must have been a good friend to come by for a chat.”

“Yeah.” I said, a bit annoyed by that pointless remark.

“So she knew about your ‘curse’ as well? And encouraged you to avoid talking to others?”

“That’s right.” I replied. “She had seen how people suffered under my curse. That’s the reason why she prefers me to keep quiet.”

“Okay…” Jacky muttered then closed his eyes, obviously trying to think of something to say.

I stared at his closed eyes. Why had I told him so much? Maybe it was to tell him the reason why I did not like the idea of the free-style play. Maybe it was also to tell him that my quietness was not my fault. Maybe to let him paint a better image of me in his mind.

“Remember your promise just now?” he suddenly said, interrupting my thoughts.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, believe in me now. Say this after me ‘I don’t have a curse.’”

“But I-”

“Remember your promise!” he exclaimed, cutting my sentence. “Now, repeat after me… ‘I don’t have a curse’.”

I guessed I just had to play along to humour him. “I don’t have a curse. Silly.”

“No! Just say ‘I don’t have a curse’. No ‘silly’ behind. Come on, try again.”

I shrugged. Was he childish or was I too matured? “I don’t have a curse.”

“Good. Now say ‘I am just having a minor mental illness that can be cured after seeing a psychiatrist.’”

“No!” this time, I yelled. “No, I, you… you-” I stopped myself at that very moment. I was going to say “you idiot”, but that would equal to cursing him. I just glared at him, wanting so much to scold him. “I’m not sick.” I sneered.

“Believe in me. Remember your promise? Believe in me! Say after me!”

“I’m not sick.”

“Believe in me. Believe me! You’ll not fail if you believe!”

“I’m not sick. I’m cursed.”

“Believe me!”

Once again, I fell into silence. Knowing that I would not win this argument, I said, “I don’t have a curse. I am just having a minor mental illness that can be cured after seeing a psychiatrist.”

Jacky nodded. “Good. I’ll call the shrink tomorrow, and we’ll book an appointment, okay? I’ll accompany you to the shrink.”

“What?!” I yelled instantly. “No way!”

“Look, Joanna, there’re still five more minutes to the hour. You should still believe me, alright? You need a doctor.”

“No I don’t!”

“Then prove it to me! If the doctor can’t cure you, then I’ll give up!”

I had never seen a shrink before. In my impression, a shrink looks like the beautiful Kelly Chen, the actress who acted as one in the movie “Infernal Affairs”. She would just listen and the patient will do the talking. The patient will feel better after taking some medication and he or she will be cured. Silly, isn’t it? How can anyone’s accumulated mental illness get better after saying everything and popping a few pills? I could not believe Jacky had just suggested I do that.

“No.” I said.

“I’ll go with you. Every appointment. Please.”

He would go with me? I pondered on that. For the longest period of time, I had always been alone. Now this silly weirdo had just proposed to accompany me for those silly appointments. I frowned, lowering my eyebrows to a V shape. Was he trying to break my routine?

“Are you trying to break my routine? Change my life?” I said my thoughts aloud.

“Yes. I wanna break your routine. I wanna change your life.”

This was getting sillier. I had been lonely for more than three years. What could he possibly do? I guessed the best he could do was to mess up my life. Like recommending me to see a shrink. Silly, silly Jacky. Really silly. Asking me to believe in him, to believe that he would be able to change my life…

“…for the better.” He added suddenly.

For the better? I stared up at the stars. Maybe I was trying to avoid him. But all of a sudden, I said, “When is the first appointment?”

It was my heart speaking.

He told me he had to check everything first. Upon our agreement, we climbed down the playground and made our way to the bus-stop. After waiting for a few minutes, we realized that it was close to one in the morning.

“Sorry, I don’t have enough cash with me.” He said.

“Me too.”

His face brightened up. “Then I’ll walk you home, and I’ll walk home after that!”

I wanted so much to smile. To laugh at his silly antics. However, I just nodded. We were at West Coast and my house is at Jurong Extension. It would take more than an hour’s walk.

We started the long walk talking about many things. This was the first time I had spoken so much to another person other than Landy since my parents’ deaths. Jacky said that he was the only child in his family. His father died of cancer when he was just seven; hence he had a very close relationship with his mother.

He said he learnt a lot of things when his father was dying. He told me how precious life could be, and said that we all came into this world for a purpose. “Happiness and sadness are not caused by your surroundings. They’re caused by your thinking.” He verbalized.

When I asked him about his plans for the future, he gave me an answer that really surprised me. “My plans for the future? Make you smile. Do something meaningful.”

We reached my house about an hour later. He was totally exhausted. Beads of sweats blanketed his forehead, but he was still smiling despite the weariness. “I’ll call you.” He said. “I’ll call you and tell you when we’ll meet up for the appointment. I’ll… see you around, eh?”

“Yeah.” I said. I realized he still had a long way to go from my house to his house at Bukit Batok. “You want me to get some cash for you to take a cab?”

I had expected him to say yes. He was massaging his neck and looked as if he wanted to vomit. However, he maintained his pride and muttered, “No, I’ll walk home. It’s good exercise.”

“Well, good for you. See you.”

After he left, I took a bath. Landy was my room, sleeping soundly on my bed. After my bath, the doorbell rang. It was two in the morning. Who could it be? I looked through the hole in the door. It was Jacky.

“Hey…” he said, resting his back on the wall. His face was pale white, as if he had just seen a ghost. His lips seemed to be wet and he smelled of puke. “Can you lend me twenty bucks? I’ll return it to you tomorrow.”

I passed him the money. “Return me something else. Not the twenty bucks. Something else that is worth twenty bucks.” What was I saying? Sometimes, I felt that I said stupid things to him.

“Okay.” He saluted me and said, “I’ll return you something else. Something that twenty bucks can’t buy.”

With that, he ambled off. I stared at the last of his shadow before I closed my door, and I did something I had never expected myself to do.

I smiled to myself.

Chapter 6
I was unable to sleep that night. At first I thought that maybe I was too physically exhausted and my mind was unable to drift into sleep mode. So I began to count sheep, drank warm milk and studied my Economics text. It was futile. After playing a loud slow song that woke my grandmother up, I decided not to sleep. After all, I had to wake up early the next day for school.

It was, by then, four in the morning. Several windows outside my apartment were lightening up, getting ready for the day. I looked at my hand phone to check for new messages. There weren’t any. I frowned and sent “Good night, good morning, Mr. Wu” as a SMS to Jacky and went to bath.

Why the heck had I done that? For fun? No, in my dictionary, the word ‘fun’ had ceased to exist.

I spent the next two hours surfing the Internet, checking my hand phone, watching television, checking my hand phone again, playing games and checking my hand phone once more. At last, at six, I received a message. It was from Jacky.

Morning, Joanna! I m so happy. This is the 1st time u msg me. Thx!

I deleted the message and then spent the next ten minutes trying to restore deleted messages. There was no such function. Silly me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jacky was “acting” normal to me in school.

It was like yesterday’s conversation had never occurred. He put on his trademark smile to class as usual and joked his time off. When lunch break came, he bought me my drink and I could avoid the strangeness no longer. I asked, “Why are you acting so strangely today?”

“Strangely?” he said. “I’m not! I’m not even acting.”

“You are.” I retorted, wondering if I had just accidentally “cursed” him. After a considerably thought, I figured I had not so I continued. “You used to be so…” I stopped. It was not him. It was me.

I had suddenly wanted him to pay more attention to me. To talk to me more. To joke with me more. He was just being himself today. What was wrong with me?

“I’m sorry.” I said as I looked at my plate of rice, ashamed to face him. “So, when is the… appointment?”

“I’m calling them later.”

“You’ll… come with me, correct? As you promised?”

Although I was not looking at him, I knew he must have been showing me that toothy grin again. “I promise. I’ll come with you for every session. Every single session. Every…”

“Good. Good.” I said. “Damn good.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hey, Joanna.”

I woke up from my doze. The lecturer’s droning voice was amplified to the entire hall. I took a few seconds to register my situation and looked up. It was Michael, one of my classmates who wrote the script for the play. He was sitting in front of me, his head turned. Jacky was snoring beside me, his cheek kissing the table.

“Hey, Joanna.” He repeated as if I was still napping. “You there?”

I nodded as an answer to his question.

“Are you okay?” he whispered.

I nodded again. “Why?”

“Well, it’s because…”

Jacky sprang up from his sleep and grabbed Michael in the neck, standing up. “Don’t harm her!” he shouted.

His voice attracted the attention of the entire hall. All the students turned to look at him. The lecturer stopped talking and stared at Jacky with his eyes wide open, obviously surprised at Jacky’s commotion. All I did was to look Jacky in the eyes. Michael did not struggle. He was staring at Jacky, still stunned by his onslaught.

A few seconds dragged on. Jacky let go and sat down while Michael scratched his head. They did not exchange a single word. A few whispers from the students killed the silence.

“As you all can see, the point when demand is…” Strangely, the lecturer continued the lecture as if nothing had happened.

“Hey, Mike.” Jacky whispered. Michael wheeled and faced Jacky. He did not seem afraid. “I’m sorry. I had a silly dream. You know, Mr. Tan’s voice can turn a sweet dream into a nightmare.”

“I know. I understand. That’s why I dare not sleep when Mr. Tan is lecturing. By the way, what dream did you just have? Who’s the ‘her’?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, who’s the ‘her’?” I asked as well. Must be out of curiosity.

“I… forgot. You know, you always forget your dreams.”

Michael laughed. “Yeah. Anyway, Joanna, I was able to ask you… are you okay?”

“What’s wrong?” Jacky and I replied together.

“Well, it’s just that… you’ve smiled five times today. And I’ve seen you smile less than ten times despite knowing you for more than six months. It’s a bit… unusual?”

“Well, Michael…” Jacky licked his lips in delight. “She’s going to smile more in the future. I promise you that.”

And all of a sudden, I smiled.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“It’s called the Child’s Guidance Clinic, commonly known as CGC. It provides neuroscience treatment, psychological and psychiatric services to people aged eighteen and below. It’s under the Institute Of Mental Health. The price is cheaper as the Government will subsidize a large portion of the cost. I’ve booked an appointment for you.”

Jacky passed me a sheet of paper. There was a map, a date and a time. “The clinic is in Singapore General Hospital. Pretty close to our school, so we’ll have no problem getting there after school. And this…” he passed me another sheet of paper. It was an official appointment letter issued by the Clinic. “We’ll need that to enter the clinic.”

“Isn’t that place meant to be for children?”

“No, that’s the misconception that most people have. The CGC also accepts teenage patients as long as you have the will to be cured. The age requirement is eighteen and below. And you qualify. Okay?”

I read the official appointment letter. The first appointment was for a Tuesday morning on which we had school.

“No worries about that. I’ve applied for an official leave from the school.”

“Official leave?”

“Well, on that day, we both will turn ill. And we’ll ‘buy’ MCs from doctors. Isn’t that official enough?”

I laughed.

“And when the doctor asks you to choose the next appointment date, give him a date where you and I can go together without skipping school. Okay?”

I nodded.

“Great.” As he was able to leave, I stopped him. “Huh?”

“Look, Jacky…” My eyes met his and I whispered, “Thank you. For everything.”

“My gosh, you’re close to tears.” He took a step closer to me and tapped my head. “Come on, it’s nothing much, okay? Cool it.”

“I…”

“Hey, Joanna.” He turned serious. “You must understand, I’m doing this because I wanna help you, okay? I want you to believe in yourself and others. Just that. We cannot be a couple. You cannot be my girlfriend. I have my reasons. So, don’t you ever fall in love with me, okay?”

Fuck. Damn. Ass. Bastard. Idiot. Silly, damn, fucking bastard ass idiot!

“I’ll never fall in love with you!” I yelled back at the top of my voice. “I’ll never love you! And you!” I pointed at him in the chest, and then punched him in the chest repeatedly. “Don’t you fall in love with me! Don’t you turn back and tell me ‘I love you!’! You hear me, Jacky Wu Zhong Xian? You hear me?! Me, Joanna Fung Wai Gwan, will never, ever fall in love with Jacky Wu Zhong Xian!”

“Cool down-” he whispered.

“And you, Jacky Wu Zhong Xian, you’ll better don’t fall in love with me, coz’ I’ll never love you!” I gave him a final punch before I stepped back. My heart was beating a lot faster and my body was jerking up and down uncontrollably. “You cannot be my boyfriend! I have my reasons! Okay! Don’t fall in love with me!”

I turned and ran off. A few tears fell. And while I ran, I tore up the two pieces of paper that Jacky had passed to me.

Chapter 7
Of course he could not fall in love with me. I had this curse that could harm him. This was all for his own good. But why did he still do all these things when he did not like me? I wondered if he did that to every girl he knew. Then tell them that he did not like them. He must be that sort of person. A bastard who likes to see girls cry in front of him.

I hated him to the core.

I went home with my eyes still red. Landy was in, reading a magazine. When she saw me, she frowned, knowing something had happened. I told her everything within fifteen minutes.

“He sucks.” She commented, sharing my exasperation. “He just sucks. Painfully sucks.” I nodded, agreeing with her every word. “But he’s just so… nice, isn’t it? So romantic… so… nice.”

“Idiot. I hate him. I hate him!”

“You love him, Joanna. It’s the other way round.”

Her sentence sent me into a whirlpool of thought. I cried so hard when he said he could not fall in love in me. Was it because of the fact that I liked him? I had not cried that much since my mother’s death.

My hand phone beeped. There was an incoming message. Landy passed me the phone and said, “It has to be Jacky.”

I opened the message and truly, it was him.

I’m sorrie if I say anything wrong… u will still come for the appointment, won’t u?

I read the message aloud to Landy. She beamed and exclaimed, “Say yes!”

I did not heed her advice. I typed a No and replied to him. “No, I’m not keen anymore.” I told Landy. “I don’t wanna go out with an idiot.”

“You’re going for the appointment, not going out with Jacky, my gosh!”

I was still trying to control my tears. I should not cry in front of my best friend. I had always been the strong independent girl. I would not cry for a guy again!

A new message came in.

Let me fetch you on that day, okie?

I replied a No again. I had enough of this guy. Trying to help me? Or maybe he was just doing all this so that he could skip school! That bastard!

“Come on, relax and let’s talk this out. It’s very obvious, Joanna, that you’ve fallen in love with Jacky. Why not just admit that, and we’ll have an easier time to decide on whether to go or not?” Landy was saying. But I was not paying attention. I was looking at my phone, wondering if Jacky would reply or not.

Slowly, I digested Landy’s words. It was really clear. It was just too clear. Maybe I just dared not say it out. Finally, after fifteen minutes of battle with my tears, I lost. A drop rolled out. I wiped it off instantly. Landy, somehow, had seen it.

“Cry it out, Joanna. Cry it out.”

A new message.

Only you can help yourself. come on, reply a yes…

I replied a No.

“I know you’re going for the therapy because of him.”

“I’m not!” I retorted.

“Then…” Landy whispered so soft that I had to read from her lips. “Why are you not going anymore, after he said all that?” And she made sense.

A new message came in. Vent your thoughts to others please… it’s the only way out. I replied a No again and looked at Landy. I was lost for words. She had hit my vital point. Jacky then replied, Ease your illusions! let me help…

I shrugged. I did not know what to tell Landy, and I did not reply to Jacky. I was caught at a crossroads, not knowing where to go. Landy was quiet, eyeing me, as if waiting for me to say something.

You’ve gotta go for it!

Only you… yourself can help yourself…

Understanding yourself is most important…

I looked at the messages. He had sent me three messages in a short span of five minutes. Landy was frowning, obviously curious at the messages that Jacky had sent me.

I crossed my legs, then my arms. Then I threw my hand phone onto the sofa and closed my eyes. My mind had dealt with too many emotional battles within a day: I guessed it needed a long rest.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Avoiding Jacky was one of the toughest things to do at school.

He was everywhere. I tried not looking at him, but realized I couldn’t. I wanted to see his expression: Was he feeling angry, guilty or happy? Or maybe he was just indifferent?

In fact, there was no change. His trademark smile still lingered on his face. He still greeted every lecturer as if they were his best pals. He even tried to joke with me, but I did not laugh and he did not continue the conversation.

Finally lunch break came and this was the most awkward moment for me, as we always had our lunch side by side. I bought my own food and sat alone, wondering if he would still join me. Instead one of my classmates sat beside me and I glared at her. She stared at me, then at the seat, and finally walked off.

Jacky was at the drinks stall. Would he buy me my drink? I scanned my food, trying to stop myself from looking at him. Then a familiar deep voice hailed me. “Here’s your drink. Diet coke with salt.”

I looked up. There he was, Jacky Wu, sitting beside me. I just stared at him, dumbfounded, startled but not surprised. He smiled, and then ate his food. I did the same thing. A few awkward minutes passed.

“I’ll pick you up next Tuesday morning. I’ve applied for an official break from the school.”

“Okay.”

Okay? What was I thinking? Landy, help me. Landy, I’m mad. Landy…

“Good. It’s been so long since I’ve seen the morning sun from an angle other than from the school on a weekday. I’m so excited.”

I nodded. I must be crazy. I felt so much like flipping the table over and giving him a tight slap on his face. Yet I just sat there, agreeing and nodding to everything he said. My body was not listening to my mind. I must be mad. I must be.

“Great.” He said. “You received my messages yesterday?”

I nodded again. I must have forgotten how to speak English.

“All of them? There’s a hidden message. Can you decode it?”

I shrugged. What was he saying?

“Have you deleted the messages?”

I nodded. If I said otherwise, he might get the idea that I had stored every message that he sent me.

“Oh, okay.” He said, and then continued with his food. “Read some of Dan Brown’s books. The Da Vinci Code, Deception Point and Angels & Demons. Most importantly, read Digital Fortress. It’s a novel about breaking codes.” He smiled, and then suddenly laughed out loud for no reason. “However, reading them won’t help you solve the code.”

Was that a joke? If so, it was just so not funny.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hidden message?” Landy was saying, looking at the messages. “Has he read too many ‘The Da Vinci Code’?"

“Beats me.” I had written down all the messages on a piece of paper. They all sounded so normal. “Maybe he’s just trying to be funny. He’s always funny. But his jokes are not funny.”

“Yeah, maybe that’s why you like him.”

I ignored her comments and stared at all the messages again.

I’m sorrie if I say anything wrong… u will still come for the appointment, won’t u? Let me fetch you on that day, okie? Only you can help yourself. come on, reply a yes…Vent your thoughts to others please… it’s the only way out. Ease your illusions! let me help…You’ve gonna come for it! Only you… yourself can help yourself… Understanding yourself is most important…

Hidden message? Crap. But still, I spent an hour reading and re-reading the messages. It did not make the slightest sense. If he had wanted to start a conversation, he should have thought of a better idea than saying there was a hidden message in his SMSes. So clichéd.

haha I wonder if you could find a hidden message? well, the story shall be continued... =)

Joanna is a 17 years old student in National Junior College. Like any other Singaporean, she lives in a HDB flat and eats at coffeeshop. But she believes that she has a curse: She believes that whatever negative things that she says will come true.
Jacky, a classmate of Joanna, believes that Joanna is not suffering from any curse. He believes that Joanna is just suffering from some mental illness.
When their paths crossed, a touching love story began. (Special thanks to Meiyan =D )
(oh by the way this is a really long story... come back if you aren't free! haha..)

Chapter 1
I had never expected my first day of school to be so interesting.

It would take at least an hour for the bus to arrive at my new school, National Junior College. I had brought along only a small bag that contained a few pieces of blank paper, a pencil case and a Discman. I presumed the teachers would not teach us anything on the first day of school. After all, they claimed that today was supposed to be an “Orientation Day”. I was really not looking forward to it. In fact, I dreaded it.

I managed to find a seat in the crowded bus. Most of the passengers were students in their tucked-out uniforms. When the bus started moving, I closed my eyes, ready to sleep through the hour-odd ride that would take me all the way from Boon Lay to Bukit Timah.

“Hey, hello!” someone in the standing crowd yelled. I woke up from my dazed dreams and looked up. A guy standing near the entrance smiled at me. He was wearing the same uniform as mine. “Hello!” he yelled again.

Almost all the passengers looked at me. The bus was at Bukit Batok road, which meant it was still pretty far from National Junior College. On closer scrutiny, I realized it was Jacky Wu, one of my secondary schoolmates. I did not reply. Instead, I searched for my Discman, acting as if I did not hear him.

“Hello to the girl searching for something in her bag!” Jacky shouted again. This time, a few passengers giggled. I kept my head low and finally found my Discman. Without hesitation, I capped the earphones onto my ears. “Hello to the girl listening to a Discman!” he continued. I pressed the ‘play’ key continuously but no sound came out from the earphones. “Hello to the girl wearing the same uniform as me!” he pressed on. The batteries must have run out of juice. Not now! “Hello to the girl wearing glasses! Hello! Hello! Hello!” Almost all the passengers were waiting for me to acknowledge Jacky.

“Hello to Joanna!” He finally said my name. I knew there was only one way to shut him up and put an end to my embarrassment. I smiled at him. He seemed pleased and never said anything anymore.

The bumpy journey went on for another thirty minutes. He alighted at the same stop as me, but I was quick enough to evade him and dashed to the main gate of the school as fast as I could.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I did not know Jacky that well. In fact, we had only held one conversation when we were in secondary school, and it lasted for less than three minutes. We were never in the same class.

Jacky was one of the popular guys in school. He is handsome and can crack jokes really well. Many girls drooled over him, but the rumour was that he did not have a steady girlfriend.

One day, when we were in Secondary Three, Jacky was invited on stage to crack a joke during an assembly period. If he could get everyone to laugh, he would win a prize. He thought for a while before he said, “There was once a …” I was not listening to him. I was totally lost in my own thoughts.

When he finished his joke, there was a long period of silence. Suddenly the hall exploded into ripples of laughter. My classmates around me laughed like mad people. Even the teachers laughed out loud. I frowned, unable to fathom what kind of joke could set everyone laughing so insanely.

When the laughter subsided, a teacher was about to pass Jacky a prize when he declined to take it. “Someone didn’t laugh.” He announced. For no logical reason, the audience laughed again. He pointed to my direction and proclaimed, “That girl didn’t laugh.” I glanced around me, hoping he was not referring to me.

“Which girl?” the teacher asked, looking around.

“That girl with the glasses and long hair.”

The teacher scrutinized all the students in my direction. “You mean the girl with tied up hair?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. She never laughs!”

I clenched my hand into a fist. How can a big guy like him be so petty?

“Joanna!” the teacher said. “You didn’t laugh?”

I kept quiet. To have my name called out in an assembly did not feel good. “Joanna, can you please wake up from your dreams and laugh at my joke?” Jacky uttered and some people giggled loudly. “I beg you.”

My classmates urged me to stand up. Feeling the pressure and the lack of time to think of anything else, I stood up and said sarcastically, “Ha, ha, ha.” Then I sat down and buried my head under my hands.

Everyone laughed out loud at my scornful remarks. I promised never to forgive that Jacky Wu for embarrassing me in front of three hundred people.

After school that day, he came forward and apologized. “Hey, I’m sorry about just now. Was just trying to create some comical effects. I hope you’re not offended?”

I shook my head.

“Jacky Wu.” He introduced himself.

“I know. The famous and arrogant Jacky Wu.” I had not expected myself to say that. “Joanna. Joanna Fung.”

“I never expected myself to be arrogant. But famous? I agree on that.” He beamed. “Are you always so introverted and… unfriendly?”

“Unfriendly?” I glared at him. “I never expected myself to be unfriendly, Jacky.” I walked off quickly, not wanting to continue the conversation.

“But you’ve got like… no friends at all!”

I did hear his reply, but I acted as if I did not hear it. I continued to walk off. In fact, what he said was true. I had classmates but I had like… no friends at all. Except for one. Just one.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Actually, there was no way for me to completely avoid Jacky in National Junior College.

He was everywhere. I had tried all means to avoid him but my efforts were futile. “Hey, Joanna. What a coincidence! We’re going to be schoolmates for the next two years as well!”

“Yeah.” I replied.“What class are you in?”

“03A20”

“Oh my gosh!” he covered his mouth and jumped around like a madman. “We’re in the same class! Can you believe it!? Jacky and Joanna in the same class! How cool is that?”

He sounded really mad. I was imagining how a monkey would blend into my class. The bell rang soon after that. We strolled towards the hall and searched for our class number. He offered to sit beside me. I glared at him but he just smiled. I had no reason to reject him therefore I agreed to it.

Firstly the principal spoke to us on the history of the school, then several departmental heads of the school took turns to tell us more about the school. We were, by then, trying hard to keep our eyes open. When they were done, we sang the school’s song with the lyrics in front of us.

“Okay, as you all know, we’re going to have an orientation program for these first few days…” a teacher announced.

“It’s going to be fun.” Jacky whispered to me. “I’ve got a friend in J2. He told me it’s gonna be very exciting.”

When I heard what he said, I regretted not skipping school today. We were led to the field class by class just like in primary school. Jacky kept on telling me how excited he was.

“Junior College life is going to be one of the best!” he blurted on. “You’re going to enjoy it, it’s unlike secondary school! There’re more freedom, homework are called tutorials, the teachers are called-”

“Sorry, Jacky…” I turned to him. “Would you please… shut up?”

He just laughed it off and talked to other people, not feeling offended. But I felt something. I went to the toilet after that to wash off my tears. I had just asked Jacky to shut up. I had just scolded Jacky.

I had just cursed Jacky. Oh, damn it. What the hell had I done? I should just shut up.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The objective of the first game we played was to remember each other’s name.

Water balloons were thrown at students who forgot others’ names. After an hour, we were able to remember the name of every classmate. The next game was played with the aim of “recognizing voices”.

The boys and girls were separated. A curtain partitioned them, and when a girl spoke, the boys had to guess who the girl was. After a few rounds, I was chosen to say something for the boys to guess.

“Come on, say something! A joke, or something like that!” the seniors urged me.

I did not know what to say, so I just muttered, “Ha, ha, ha.”

Almost instantly, I heard Jacky’s voice on the other side. “It’s Joanna! Joanna Fung, that thin girl!”

Ah, that bastard.

Chapter 2
When I reached home that evening, Landy was lying on the sofa, crunching a packet of potato chips I had just brought a few days ago.

“How’s your first day of school?” she asked. She had small eyes and a sharp nose to match her jaws. I had always believed that she is one of the most beautiful women in the world. In fact, for a long period of time, I had hoped I had the same countenance as her. I even desired to live her life: Carefree, with boys lining up to hold her hand.

I told her everything about Jacky and the embarrassment that he had caused me. Landy is the only person that I can pour my sorrows to. She will often drop by my house for a chat. My grandmother always opens the door for her if I am not in.

“So what, you’re going to avoid him for the next two years?” Landy said. “I bet he’s going to stick to you these two years.”

“You know I can’t talk to him.” I muttered. “I can’t harm him.”

“Makes sense.” Landy poured herself a cup of coffee and relaxed on the sofa. “Don’t you fall in love with him.”

“I’ll never!” I retorted almost instantly. “I mean… I …”

“Never is a very strong word. Remember your curse.” Landy reminded. “Remember. If you fall in love with him, you’ll harm him.”

I lay beside her and memories of how my mother died flowed back without mercy. “I know…”

We spent the next two hours trying to figure out how to stay away from Jacky. And two hours later, we slept on the sofa with no solutions in mind.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was no way for me to avoid Jacky completely.

At classes, he would volunteer to sit beside me and I could not reject him. He would try very hard at starting a conversation but I would always hint him to shut up by giving him a silent glare. It often worked, but after a few minutes, he would be talking again.

During lunch break, we would eat together. He always offered to help me to buy the drinks. I wanted to tell him off, to say that I preferred to eat alone, but when he returned with my favorite drink, I gave in and just ate my meal in silence, trying hard to keep my eyes off him.

Rumours about us being an item surfaced after a few weeks. Jacky was especially concerned about disclaiming them. However, no one believed him. One day he even threatened to beat anyone who spread the rumours, and that was the first time I saw his trademark smile vanishing from his face.

“Why do you get so angry when people say something about us?” I asked him that day.“I don’t wanna spoil your reputation. What if no one dares to woo you?” he answered matter-of-factly. “I don’t wanna destroy your future.”

“Then why are you still sticking to me everyday?” I probed on.

It took him a while to register the question. “I…” he smiled once more. “I wanna help you. To see you smile.”

He turned away then whispered again, “To see your smile.”

“Why?”

“I want to do something meaningful while I can.”

Ironically, I frowned and brought the conversation to a halt. I told Landy about what Jacky said to me that night, and we spent over three hours pondering on what he meant. And as usual, we managed to conclude nothing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Four months had passed since we started school.

I remembered that on a Tuesday morning, Mrs Goh, our Literature lecturer, suddenly declared, “Every year, we have a Drama competition organized by the Literature Club. Every class is encouraged to send a team forward. This competition, I believe, will help a lot in your Literature. So I’m going to get this entire class to join.”

The students whispered protests but Mrs Goh insisted. “Every one of you will help out in creating a play.”

Michael, one of the noisier guys, volunteered to be the scriptwriter. We spent the next fifteen minutes trying to find a suitable plot. In the end we settled for the final scene in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. It was the scene where Romeo would drink the poison and Juliet wake up to find a dead Romeo.

However, there would be an interesting twist to it. They would speak in “Singlish” to add a Singaporean touch. And Juliet would drink the poison instead. We reckoned that would add points to our play.

“Okay, who’s good at acting here?” Mrs Goh glanced around the class. I was toying with my fingers, not concentrating on the discussion. “Let’s find a Juliet first… hmm, whose name starts with ‘J’?”

“Me!” Jacky raised up his hand in ecstasy. “Me, me!”

That idiot.

“You wanna be Juliet?” Mrs Goh mocked and the class erupted into laughter. “We need a girl, Jacky. It’s supposed to be a sad scene, not a funny scene where a macho guy acts as Juliet.”

Jacky giggled and announced, “Okay, I volunteer to be Romeo then.” Sighs of relief washed past several male students. “But I have a request.”

“Which is?”

I looked up at Jacky. He was staring at my eyes. Oh, shit. I did not like that look. “I want Joanna to be Juliet. J for Joanna.” The whole class cheered as if Andy Lau had just sang a song.

That guy just would not let me study in peace, would he?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We had our first rehearsal in the school hall a few days later. It was unlike the normal tragic ending in Romeo and Juliet. We had to add in “leh”s, “lah”s and “oei”s into the dialogue to make it sound more Singlish. I wondered if it would reverse the scene from tragedy to humour.

“No… cannot be… you cannot die one…” I cried without tears. Jacky lay on the floor with his eyes closed. His lips were trembling, threatening to laugh any moment. “If you die, I also die then!” He could control it no longer. He chuckled out loud, infecting the entire hall with laughter as well.

And I always frowned when they laughed because it would prolong the rehearsal. Every time there was a rehearsal scheduled after school, I would think of numerous excuses to skip it, but in the end I would still attend the rehearsal.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I told Landy about my role as Juliet in the play, she laughed for fifteen minutes. “You, Juliet? Juliet!”

I had not expected my best friend to react in that way. Actually, I was hoping for some understanding from her. I kept quiet and when she sensed my displeasure, she lowered her voice and said, “You don’t like it?”

“I don’t like it.” I answered. “I don’t like talking.”

“Are you going to ‘curse’ anyone in the script?”

“No. I’ll be following the script. No worries.”

“Then it shall be fine.” Landy replied. “You will enjoy yourself. After all, Jacky is Romeo. It will create a romantic-”

“Landy!” I cut her. “Don’t start!”

My grandmother came out of her room and stared at both of us with her eyebrows lowered. She was three-quarters blind. She hobbled towards the kitchen with the help of her walking stick and muttered, “Is that Landy?” she did not wait for Landy to answer. “It’s late. Landy, don’t you have to work tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow is my day off, granny. I’m going to have a nice, long chat with Joan-, I mean, Juliet!” Landy exclaimed and we broke into a string of laughter. I helped my grandmother to the toilet and then back to her room. When we were alone once more, Landy persisted, “That Jacky seems to be interested in you, Joanna.”

“Don’t give a damn. I will never like him, period.”

“Let’s try to analyze what he meant when he said he wanted to help you.”

With that, our girls’ talk lasted for more than three hours before we slept. And yes, you’ve guessed it; we did not come to any conclusions.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We were supposed to get a theme song for our play.

Almost everyone had his or her own views. Some preferred love songs whereas others preferred classics. A few of us even thought that including a song in the play was a bad idea. After an intense discussion, we decided to browse through HMV at The Heeren to see if we could find a suitable song.

When we reached the place, everyone else rushed into HMV as if they were children at Toys’R’Us. I sat at the edge of a fountain outside HMV. To my surprise, Jacky did not go in as well. He sat beside me and grinned. “Not going in?”

I shook my head. The loud music inside the store always gave me headaches.

“Well, me too. Bad for the ears.” He said, slapping his ears. Then he laughed at his own joke. “Well then, I’ve dug out another secret of yours. Secret number ninety-one of Joanna Fung: She does not like music stores. It’s the same secret as mine. I don’t like music stores as well.”

“Good for you.”“Then how did you get your music CDs?”

“Through a friend.” Notice the friend was singular. I have only one friend and her name is Landy.

“Okay, great, secret number ninety-two of Joanna Fung: She does have friends outside Junior College! That’s good! That’s very good! That’s damn really freaking good!”

“It’s not funny.” I mumbled and darted my eyes up. “I’m going up to the Adidas Shop to have a look.”

“Count me in.” We went up and browsed for about ten minutes then met up with our classmates. They had all decided on a theme song. It was Only Love by Trademark. Jacky and I both agreed on that as well.

We all went back to school that evening for another round of rehearsal. The play was due in three months’ time. For the first time, we did the entire play without an N.G.

The song was played first, and then it faded out as I entered the scene to witness an unconscious Jacky on the floor. I walked slowly towards him and sat beside him, my tears dripping (the magical eye drops).

“Romeo… no… cannot be… you cannot die one…” I pressed my head to his chest and I could hear his heart beating. “You promise me so many things… so many things! You must not die… open your eyes leh…” I tightened my grip and then yelled aloud, “No!”

The song played again for a while. When it faded away, I held up the cup of poison beside me and said, “What for I live when you die already…? If you die, I also die then!” Then I gulped down the ‘poison’ (it was chestnut water) and within the same second, I shook my head gently and lost my balance.

The chorus of the song played for a minute or so, loudly. Behind my closed eyes, I could feel Jacky moving a little, and then his voice came. “Juliet? Juliet! Juliet?!”

He must have found out about the poison when he groaned, “No, Juliet…” I knew he had stabbed himself when he slumped onto my back.

Now I knew why he volunteered to be Romeo. He only needed to memorize two words and got to lie on a pretty girl’s back. Smart guy.

Chapter 3
I first met Landy in a “magical” way.

My father died when I was twelve. My mum blamed me for his death. Since then, I learnt about life the bad way: I hung out with a group of hooligans who smoked at stairways and got their pocket money from stealing. I always felt a great sense of satisfaction whenever we successfully shoplifted a few items.

One fateful day, we plotted to steal shoes again. Stealing shoes had always been a routine for us. Our targets were usually World of Sports, Royal Sporting House or Bata. Our plan had never failed before, until that day.

Three of us entered Royal Sporting House, wearing stern expressions. We pretended to browse around the clothes section, then, as we progressed to the shoes section, we showed signs of excitement by saying “This is nice!” or “I wonder if they’ve got size six for this pair or not?”

A sales assistant marched to us. He looked young, and we believed he was only a temp there. We smiled, knowing a temp was an easier target. “What size are you looking for, Mdm?”

I always felt proud to be called “Mdm” at the age of thirteen. My friend, Maggie, replied indifferently, “Do you have size six for this?” She showed the sales assistant a particular design. It cost a hundred bucks.

The sales assistant politely told us to wait and went off. Within the same minute, he came back with a pair. Maggie tried it on and it fitted her perfectly. However, she frowned and then looked up to the sales assistant with a seductive smile. “This feels too small. Do you have, like, size six and a quarter?”

We all howled in laughter. The sales assistant looked amused. He put on his smile and said, “How about size seven?”

“Will do!” Maggie chirped. “You go look for size seven. If there isn’t any I’ll take this one.” She began to trace the design of the shoe with her finger. The sales assistant hinted at her to take the shoe off but Maggie was totally immersed in appreciating the beauty of the shoe. Finally the sales assistant gave up and went off in search for size seven.

In one smooth motion, I took out a Royal Sporting House plastic bag from my bag. Maggie took off the shoe and threw it into the box. We glanced around the busy shop. When we confirmed it was safe, we placed the shoebox into the plastic bag and I strolled out of the shop, feeling victorious.

No one came forward to stop me. The alarm did not ring. After all, how could anyone steal a pair of shoes? They were all supposed to be stacked neatly in the storeroom. When I was out of the shop, I pictured Maggie and the sales assistant quarreling in my mind. Maggie would not lose; after all, customers are always right. I could only pity the poor sales assistant who must be wondering if he did place the size six shoes back in the storeroom. He might even consider quitting his job.

While I was lost in my thoughts, someone tapped my shoulder. A pretty girl with shiny long hair smiled at me and said, “Put that pair of shoes down. They’re coming to get you.”

I studied her. She looked a little older than me and had the kind of features that any teenager would envy. Her eyes were as round as her eyeballs and the dimples on her cheeks were deeply curved to perfection. “What the fuck are you talking about?” I demanded.

“Trust me. That sales assistant is the supervisor, not a temp. He has met all sorts of people. He’s coming for you. Drop it, or you’ll regret it forever!”

I stared at her. She seemed to know everything. After an internal debate, I decided to trust her and threw the shoes into a rubbish bin. A few minutes later, to my surprise, the sales assistant, together with two security officers, came up and apprehended me. When they found nothing on me, they gave up and I let out a long sigh of relief. It was my closest encounter with a criminal record.

After that dreadful incident, the girl showed up at my house. I had no idea how she obtained my address. We chatted a little. I later knew her to be Landy. As time went by, we became good friends. She was older than me by four years and was working full-time as a clerk. My mum died when I was fourteen and I cut off links with all my friends save Landy.

Somehow or other, Landy stayed with me through thick and thin. Knowing that I disliked going out, she came to my house to chat with me instead. If there was only one blessing in my life, it was definitely having a friend like Landy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was so ironically hilarious when we realized our play lasted only five minutes if we suffered no NG. Our play was supposed to be “ten to fifteen” minutes long.

“Look, I think we’ll have to rewrite the script.” Our so-called director, Delvin, suggested. He was one of our classmates with the most outstanding leadership qualities. “I’m open to all ideas.”We ransacked our minds and a few ideas were proposed but none of them seemed to work. Amid the mood of depression which had descended over the room, Jacky stood up and told us, “Trust Joanna and me. We’ll be able to prolong it with our acting. Won’t we, Joanna?”

I sank deeper into my chair and pondered. What did he mean by that? He was smiling at me again. I felt my hair standing up. What was he thinking now? I bit my teeth, hoping that he would not suggest some outrageous proposal that would embarrass both of us.

“It’ll be a lot more realistic if we act out the play without directly following the script. For example, if the audience laughs, we’ll extend the humorous scene. If the audience is crying, we’ll extend the sad scene. Of course, that would mean we’d have to add our own lines to the play. You understand?”

After some brainstorming, they all agreed to that idea. I wanted so much to debate, to confess my disagreement, but upon seeing their exhausted faces, I consented. After we were dismissed, we all headed in different directions except Jacky and me. We stayed together as I wanted to confront him about the idea.

“Why propose that stupid idea?” I probed.

“For fun, Joanna! For fun! And for authenticity! Don’t you think the whole play will look a lot more realistic if we don’t follow a script? I mean-”

“You won’t understand! I need to follow a script! I can’t… I can’t talk well. I… I’m afraid I will say the wrong thing and…” I choked on my words and halted.

“Tell me what’s stopping you from opening your heart, Joanna. Please.”

I was shaking softly. His warm hands embraced my shoulders and he lowered his voice. “Please tell me more about yourself. Why you’re keeping everything to yourself. Why you’re living in your own world. Please.”

“Get away!” I pushed him off, my face burning red. After I had taken a few steps back, my cell phone rang. It was Landy. I rejected the call and turned back at Jacky. “You won’t be able to help me! No one can! No one!”

“Let me help you, please! Believe me! You won’t fail if you keep trying!”

“No! You can’t, you’ll never! I’m going to withdraw from that fucking play, and you and your fucking good friends can be Juliet!”

“Joanna-”

“I killed my father, my mother and many other people! I’m a fucking murderer, a fucking killer, a fucking sinner!”

I turned and dashed out of the hall. The moment I was outside the school, I raised my hand and a taxi stopped. I let out a soft moan of despair before I swung open the door and went off in search of respite.

To be continued... =)

wa yesterday during PE had 2.4 km run.. just a mock la.. but just as steammm.... lol.. I slow sia... 12min 30 i think if I remember correctly.. like that only D.. I aiming a C for running coz I know I suck at running.. haha I always have.. ok la except in Kindergarten 1 I took part in one sports day event... had to carry a tin (milo tin size) from the pile of 3 tins on the ground and run quite a distance to pile up the tins at the other end then run back and the partner will continue the run to put another tin at the other end. haha ok it sounds quite simple. but I was only K1 at the time so was a bit scared too. haha nevertheless... I was lucky and managed to get 1st. since then I have never won a single award in running. LOL. I scared for Standing Broad Jump also.. C is 230 i think.. sometimes can sometimes cannot leh.. I should eat some feathers on that day that I'll feel light. maybe borrow some from Chicken. =D

I had macaroni and cheese this morning before going to school.. made me rmb the Macaroni and Cheese I loved from Kenny Rogers... everytime if order the Kenny's Quarters will get to order 2 side dishes. sure one of the dishes will be the macaroni and cheese for me.. damn nice.. haha.. I love the muffins too... inside got corn one.. that time Century Square got Kenny Rogers one then go close down.. sian. no more muffins for me nearby.. lol..

it's been raining and raining these few days.. why no thunder? it's been so long since I remember having a thunderstorm.. haha I like that type of very heavy rain until cannot her your own voice that type... NICE TO SLEEP! x)

this morning I was supposed to meet dexter weikian kokyi and dazhong at Bedok Mrt at 650.. when I woke up, it was already 635.. when I was chionging to the bus stop, I was telling myself that ok if bus 38 comes I will take, and I won't take 229 because I will sure be late(because it makes a big round before reaching the interchange). When I reached the bus stop, a 229 just arrived. It was tempting, but I said in my mind: "don't take." I was hoping for a 38 to be right behind or at least in sight, but there was none. I thought of taking a taxi. One taxi drove past me soon after, but I didn't flag it down because I had this feeling the bus would be coming... and since I already decided not to take the 229 I should persevere and wait for the 38.. the time was about 650 already... I called dexter and he said dazhong was already in the interchange and weikian was reaching.. so I thought: "aiya heck.. take cab..." LOL. so indecisive right. I flagged down a cab and headed for Bedok Mrt. When I reached, the cab fare was $3.40. BUT... here's what happened:

(upon stopping)
Me: Thank you uncle.

Driver: $3.40 please.
(reaching into my wallet and taking out a $50 note and handing it to him)

Me: Thank you.

Driver: You got no smaller notes ah?

Me: Er.. sorry I don't have... really.. I only have like that..
(then I opened my wallet to reveal another similar note)

Driver: (getting angry) How can you be like that? Early in the morning how you expect me to have change? You are my first passenger you know!

Me: (getting panicky and looking apologetic) Err.. sorry ah uncle wait ah...
(I opened the door and asked 3 NS men who were waiting at the taxi stand,) "Um excuse me do you all have change for fifty dollars?" (All of them shook their heads.)

Me: Um uncle they don't have change leh... then how...? Or you wait ah I go...--"

Driver: (cutting me in mid-sentence) NEVER MIND YOU GO. DON'T WASTE MY TIME HERE.

Me: (blur tone) huh... er.. sorry ah uncle..

(closes the door slowly)

What a move. LOL. I got a free ride.. I honestly did not expect it.. I was already prepared to pay la..haha.. but too bad the people outside and the driver all got no change.. actually also his fault which taxi driver doesn't carry loose change or at least some money with him? imagine his first customer is a tourist who goes from Bedok to Orchard Road then how? tourist also may not have small change coz all their notes just change one all also big big one.. lol.. lucky my taxi fare only $3.40 if not I think he cry.. I just topped up the money in my wallet yesterday so that's why I had no change also.. wasn't intentional.. haha.. but it's the first free taxi ride I've got in my life... how interesting.. maybe you guys can try it next time.. bring only a $100 note and take taxi early in the morning and pray he has no change. LOL... =D

The medical checkup was quite fun... Poor dexter need to poke both arms coz he dunno his blood type. haha... the male officer at the counter say the exact same lines for every person. damn funny. the female nurse in the X-ray room also- "take a deeeeeep breath innnn...!!!" LOL...

Climbasia yesterday was quite fun.. haha. it was my first time there.. the shop is much biggger now... lots of space to walk around. haha.. I like the roof.. quite nice with quite a few jugs.. but got one big fat red sloper lol.. damn hard to stick on.. Limzy made a route with 4 slopers.. siao kia leh him.. think everyone as pro as him... guess I will try it again the next time I go there.. =D

AGM today. the food was quite nice.. haha especially the brownie.. x) THANK YOU YEAR ONES.. =D I think the whole thing was shorter than last year's? haha.. this shows we are one efficient batch. LOL. battlefield after that with Mr Tan and the rest of the guys... by luck I killed him with a grenade once.. so fun. haha.. Weicheng suicidal one fly helicopter crash people lol.. oh yes on the bus we saw one crazy guy shouting loudly stuff like 'IN THE NAME OF THE LORD!' or 'FEEL THE HOLY SPIRIT!' lol scary sia. he was sitting on the edge of the 4-seater and I was just beside on the double seat.. LoL. then he suddenly turn and sing ( or rather shout)some christian song to Darren and me.. Darren got a shock then moved away.. I didn't dare to move coz I scared he just reach out and grab me lol.. so i was cuddled up beside the window.. how pitiful.. the second crazy guy that we have met on bus number 38.. lucky bus..

Here is a song I have always liked.. it's called July by Dashboard Confessionals.. and since it's the month of July, here it is.. =D

I love eating I-SCREAM yoghurt ice cream from the stall under LT1! haha everytime I eat it I'll feel happy.. lol though it's not exactly very cheap.. haha.. I like the feeling of being spoilt for choice out of the so many fruits and cookies to choose from.. and I also enjoy asking people to sample and guess what fruits I actually put into it.. so fun.. haha.. so far I've tried oreo-raspberry-mango and oreo-jackfruit-strawberry... yumyum.. =D I feel like buying again tomorrow! haha..

My mysterious and secretive angel is so mysterious and secretive.. I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS. LOL.. what shall I say? *no comments* x)

PE today was quite hiong.. haha 3 rounds gate-to-gate. that one ok la coz me and kokyi slowly behind.. lol. after that did push-ups and sit-ups.. that teacher keep restarting the count from zero coz he saw a few knees touching the ground/hands not touching the ears.. then damn funny all the colourful language from a few people around me start to come out.. haha.. if last time I not in NCC maybe I would have come out with more colourful ones.. lol.. but not the first time experience ma so managed to hang in there.. I hope those friends can hang in there next time.. if not army jialat! haha.. medical checkup next monday.. I wonder what my PES status will be? lol. go army work as clerk also not bad hor.. got air-con whole day.. Music and Drama Company sounds fun too? LOL.

watched Shooter on vcd just now.. nice show! the sniper in the show has pinpoint accuracy. He actually shot down a helicopter just by aiming at a part below the blades of the chopper.. BOOM. cool.. =D I don't know whether to say Die Hard 4.0 is nicer or Shooter is nicer. haha.. ok maybe Die Hard 4.o got more action.. just an opinion.. =)

2 days to the release of the latest and final addition to the Harry Potter series.. it's called Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.. going to be interesting I suppose! looking forward to it.. haha i always feel it's a nice feeling to be looking forward to something.. don't you think so? x) oh yes credit to Limzy the Open God for refreshing my memory.. haha I actually was thinking whether is 'Deadly Hallows' or 'Ghostly Hallows'... in the end both wrong.. haha Limzy say I noob sia.. sorry la Limzy you most pro because anyone compare with you also = noob. right? SURE PRO. =D

Climbasia tomorrow.. so long never climb already so going to prepare to feed tomorrow.. lol FEEDING TIME AT THE NIGHT SAFARI... but we not going at night lol. so is feeding time at the Zoo. ERR! all this crap is inspired by and influenced by Limzy after getting a pile of crap from him these few days.. haha thank you for having the patience to read until here instead of pressing that big red X in the cosy little corner. LOL.

today i went to Mr Ang's office because he wanted to see me. haha. inside, I saw a beautiful poster on the wall with a nice story on it. This was the one.







well I'm sure you wouldn't be able to see the beautiful story on it. So that's why I'm here. LOL. here goes...






______________

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a figure in the distance. As he got closer, he realised the figure was that of a young boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

Approaching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?" The youth replied, " Throwing a starfish into the ocean. The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them back, they'll die."

"Son" the man said, "don't you realise there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can't possibly make a difference?"

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said,
"I make a difference for that one."
______________

What a beautiful story. It made a difference to me, and I hope it did to you too. have a wonderful evening... x)

soccer this morning was fun! with kenghao dexter junyu weikian cisiang rongfeng yuquan junkwang and ghimheng.. haha.. quite long never play in a proper street soccer court already. think whole of this year? ya think so. if i remember correctly. LOL. scored some nice goals. =D but my stamina like noob sia. about two matches and I was panting like some dog. the sun today also not friendly one. can actually feel the pain from the sun's rays. not like usual when even if its hot you don't feel such a piercing kind of feeling.. haha looks like global warming is becoming very REAL. wonder how hot Singapore would be in 10 years. wa imagine.. because average temperature in Singapore increases, more air-conditioned places are set-up or more people may decide to install air-conditioners in their homes. then they use more electricity.. does this contribute to global warming? haha i not sure I forgot my geography... LOL.. but if it does then it'd be a vicious cycle right.. sad story.. oh yes btw thanks kenghao for that recommendation of champagne grape ice blended.. it was nice! thirst quenching. haha. x)

I happened to look in the mirror just now and by chance saw my double eyelid on my right eye become a single eyelid when i blinked a certain way. I began to think that single eyelids make people's eyes look a bit naked. that's just an opinion no offence whatsoever! LOL.. I wonder how many of you all have single eyelids... quite unique eh... =D got triple eyelids also you know.. it comes when you don't have enough sleep... hahahaha..

photo taking today! so fun. haha all the funny expressions on people's faces. LOL. Zaki almost every photo got some funny corny face. and Janicia made a funnier pose! haha like some bar girl. OOPS. x) I liked the sound of the camera.. especially when he takes multiple shots in quick succession... haha. reminds me of reporters at press conferences.. lol. oh and I saw a nice photo today too.. =D

late for school today! haha woke up like 7 something. normally if the time is not 720 yet and I haven't left the house, I will chiong out as fast as I can... but today funny sia. I looked at the clock and it read 724. LOL. sure late. so instead of chionging I slowly sat down and grabbed a bite. hahaha. it's been so long since I was last late, amazingly... I got to skip temperature taking! my thermometer is so disgusting looking put in my bag dunno how long already. dunno clean or not clean also. haha.

Congratulations to all the Year Ones who got the posts they desired! haha WEEMAN. hello boss! x) to those who didn't, it doesn't matter. haha. the post isn't that important in my opinion.. the fun is yet to come... =D

haha so well, here is the so-called surprise. =D yesterday I happened to walk pass one shop then inside I saw a keychain with something special written on it.

















haha I hope you like it Darren and I hope it made your day. though it is so random like not your birthday or whatever I just felt like buying it for you. =D I shall stop here before it gets mushy. LOL! DARREN-SMALL & GREAT. how fitting. x)

I am beginning to not dislike PEs that much. haha! in fact I quite like them. wa today play some funny game sia. find a partner then supposed to piggyback him across like half the width of the field. not fair Ernest Teng so heavy la. like 65 kg? lol carry like dog. I so light, easy work for him! haha..

Ms Fong didn't come today we combined with Shalynn's class. wa the teacher funny sia coz we keep talking to boon and gc ma say we having inter-CG bonding. LOL.. the sulphur was kind of not that pleasant. haha.. it reminded me of something.. in 2003 or 2004 I went to Mount Fuji in Japan. near there got some kind of hot spring. wa all over can smell the smell of sulphur. then the workers there will cook eggs in the hot sulphur springs and sell to the tourists. supposed to have some medicinal value if I remember correctly. but to me they taste the same. everytime those tea leaf eggs in that kind of Eu Yan Sang also smell so nice but in the end taste also about the same. LOL.

Hustings tomorrow. WHAT A DAY.

SOMEONE is going to be made very happy tomorrow! =D hahaha.. so fun..

ok I shall say that Die Hard 4.0 is really cool! ACTION-PACKED to the max. haha there were some really cool scenes that made me go like "whoa!!" lol. so to people who love excitement, be sure to catch it! It's 2 hours long by the way. Which makes me like it even more. haha. I don't really like those movies that are only 90 minutes long.. like the story develops a while then suddenly end. it's strange actually. I seldom watch action movies but I enjoyed it still. LOL. I realised that movies that I really liked were like 2 hours plus also. like Armageddon and Titanic. Good stuff. I actually cried during those movies. ER!

tomorrow is Climb Asia's last day of operation before it officially opens it's new branch. how nice it would be to have a proper entrance and decent space to walk around inside eh? =D haha. I guess it would hold the most memories for Weicheng coz he's been there the most? or maybe Graham, who might have managed to have his rendezvous with so-and-so during his cooling down times.. hope the new branch is more easily accessible! x)

I have this craving for PASTA now. yummy carbonara marinara alfredo!

haha. did you all know that Elmo has another lethal weapon? It's called MOOLAN. lol. but she thinks MOOVRAN more cute. haha. thats why MOOLAN not that happy so never let her win so much. Moral of the story: TREAT THE COWS WELL! =D lol. I wonder how many cows she has in her house...? Maybe next time she'll open a DAIRY FARM. and Ee Lin will be the co-boss. LOL. Eh if that happens must give me free supply of cow's milk ok.. =) haha.









MOOLAN












today bouldered a while after so longgg... LOL. i think got 3 weeks? the boulder traverse felt different. haha. a little more pumpy. I hereby declare that Limzy's favourite tiles FINGER POCKETS and SLOPERS! right Limzy??

Shalynn is some MATH PRO who owned all of us! FLAT. NO CHANCE. LOL SIXTY ONE LEHH SIAOO I NEVER EVEN SEE MYSELF CLOSE TO THAT MARK BEFORE... SHE IS ONE IMBA PRO.. whole day play mind games one.. "wa i am so dead for JCT...!" or "I very tired now I feel like going to sleep..." haha! bet she stay up whole night study while people sleeping! LOL.. should donate some marks to poor me la Shalynn. =D

OH guess what i had after dinner just now? a yummy fruit platter consisting of mangoes strawberries and lychees! haha. SHIOKADOO.








my yummy fruit platter. the strawberry that is the odd one out looks like a heart! so pretty. x)







lol today weicheng offered me some chocolate. it was hell of a bitter! haha. JY GG still take so big piece! Shuhui and Rachel have unique tastes for chocolate! they still can say "very nice". LOL. so to guys who want to buy them chocolate in the future, hopefully I'm some help! =D ERR!

whoaaa it's been quite a while since I last visited Sentosa so, ta-da! there we were on the sunny little island set in the sea. =D the beaches and scenery there all very nice... sort of calms your senses down. haha.. horny guys like ERNEST TAN would probably enjoy the sights of the many bikini babes around. right Ernest? x)

it was loads of fun in the sun. volleyball, beach soccer, picnic-ing and playing around with the dogs.
Highlights:
1. Burying Elmo in the sand was fun! hahaha.. then she so easily tickled. coz rite her feet was sticking out of the sand after we got nearly her whole body covered. lol. then we tried to cover them up with more sand but she screamed and squealed like some mouse. HAHA. damn funny!
2. Oh all the food was yummy-yummy. but one of my favourites was Siying and Crystal's (sorry not sure if got anyone else!) Baked Potato smothered in mayo and topped with sliced ham and bacon bits! IMBAAA... =DD ehh Jingwen and Rongjun pity I didn't manage to try your sandwiches but I heard from everyone else it was great too!
3. Shalynn has SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH! people hit the volleyball at most fly like 3 or 4 metres up but when she hits it flys up and comes down 10 seconds later. LOLLL ok that was a bit too much haha! I think she was aiming for the stars. =)
4. Limzy is one imba keeper and defender but when you score against him the feeling is damn SHIOKADOO. haha got once i managed to get past Junyu and Terence then found myself one on one with Limzy. I sidefooted the ball in and Limzy SIAM-ED! haha! he open one hole let the ball go in. STEADY AH. =D
5.We nearly drowned Darren man. haha. he is one real panda. really don't know how to swim. Elmo and Eelin and a few of us lifted him up and carried him all the way across the beach to the sea. He put up no resistance until he saw the WATER. WHOA. like some Ju-On will crawl out of the water and pluck out his already limited hair like that. haha he struggle and resist like some mad dog. lol Darren. chill pill. just for entertainment's sake. x)
6. We had a LIVE Discovery Channel programme entitled: Wild Sex being aired right before our very eyes! LOL. our coaches brought their two dogs (Joshie and Dolce) along as well. then during the later part of the day, they left for dinner, tying the two dogs to a coconut tree. so BOOM. I'm sure you can guess what happened next. they started rolling around the ground with each other and Dolce (the male) tried to, ahem with her. HAHA! damn funny. Ernest Bel Chick etc all gather round the tree and watch them mate. LOL. Graham even took out a camera. Sicko ah Graham! lol.

most of them became LOBSTERS. haha. red and juicy! especially Choonwei. wa, you should have seen. really RED man. haha. have fun peeling your skin ppl! xD