French School Climbing Competition 3rd-4th February










BOULDERACTIVE @NLB


** March. lol sorry forgot the date. Congrats to Weicheng for winning 3rd in Novice Men and Eleanor for winning 1st in Novice Women . =D

Climb X 2007 @ TJC : 27th April


Me and Jingwen, my wonderful belayer.


Thanks Bel for belaying me on the other route as well. =D
what a brotherly photo right. haha.














Baby Roof




I tried to rest by sticking my right leg into the crack as shown. WRONG MOVE! should have put left leg. more stable, no need to waste strength. haha I think about less than a minute after this picture was taken, I went plummeting through the air. how sad.











Mega Roof



Me sticking my hand into the finger pocket, which according to my coach Philip, I got it by luck. =D


I'm levitating!

cool shot, credits to Photographic Society.




RockMaster @SP

I had not many nice pictures to put, so here's one of me waiting for my climb. The guy beside me, I gave him a nickname: THE WHISTLER. after our climbs, he went to help the route judge blow the whistle for the timer. WA DAMN LOUD! sit beside him my eardrums nearly burst. damn irritating. Congrats to Terence for winning 3rd in the Novice Men's.

Pumpfest @ ViVo City



Me on qualifiers route 2. very pumpy! after the route my arms were like hard. really.

















the final route of the finals. the final route of our entire climbing season in TJC. awww... anyway, it ended on a high note. x)













REALLY high. lol.

Eleanor looks like she's just struck one million dollar TOTO. =) funny!

sadly I don't have any photos of the team events, though I think they were highly thrilling.










Junyu looks like he's enjoying himself as well! =D

who won in the end??







thanks to all who have accompanied me on this long and wonderful journey... you know who you are. =D

I wonder who actually comes here nowadays, but nevertheless, these pictures are a little summary of the happening things that went on during the whole climbing season. Of course, the experience is worth much more. =D

OH YES, my predictions for this Saturday's match is that Man Utd will win Sunderland 1-0 or 2-0. I going to buy exact score haha. just a little tip la. DON'T BASH ME IF YOU DON'T WIN! that's what I'm going to buy at least. =) little investments here and there can be really thrilling. hahaha. GOOD LUCK!

Here are some highly exclusive and random pictures that are mostly unseen by most people... enjoy!








Eleanor says: DISGUSTING!!!














LIMZY vs Weicheng--- Weicheng are you sure you didn't break any bones?
















Terence the ENCOURAGER!

this random post is to acknowledge and thank all silent visitors of this blog... your presence is greatly felt. =D lol.

the farewell dinner for Mr Tan at the Rice Table was a fun occasion. thanks for the Belgian Chocolate Ice Blended from Coffee Bean Mr Tan! my first time drinking coffee bean. LOL. what a suaku rite. haha.

last tuesday, my friends Kokyi and Tzewoon were like playing with each other outside the second floor classrooms. Pushing would be a better description. Tzewoon, being more big-sized, easily managed to swing Kokyi towards the wall. I was walking walking then suddenly I heard the sound of breaking glass. I thought he broke the window pane. I looked to my left. Nope, window pane still intact. I looked on the floor. Red pieces of plastic. One second later, the FIRE ALARM rang. LOL. the announcement was funny. "dear students the fire alarm you heard just now was a FALSE alarm. Please be extra careful when walking past the fire alarm next time." joke of the year. lucky no need to pay.

thank you MAN UTD for winning 1-0 yesterday. lol I went to buy exact score 1-0 $5 to try my luck. 68th minute Nani drive the ball into the net. beautiful goal. his somersault celebration even nicer. haha. quite good odds lei. 6.50. lol. x)

OH YES. Happy birthday in advance, Claire! =D

Let me tell you all a story.
____________

Once upon a time there lived a girl and a boy named John who studied in two different schools. On several occasions, she had seen him with his friends and similarly, he had seen her with her friends. She knew who he was, and he knew who she was, but they never said 'hi' to each other.

One fine day, she found that she had some problems with her Math, and so she decided to take up tuition. She began attending lessons at a tuition centre. A week later, John also found that he was having some problems with Math and also decided to take up tuition. By sheer coincidence, he took up lessons at the exact same tuition centre as her, with the lessons scheduled at the same time. Here's what happened on his first lesson.

(on entering the room with his friend)
(teacher busy in conversation with the girl and her friend)

Teacher: hello, you are...?
John: Err... John.

He looks around the room and sees the two girls. He finds one of them familiar, then soon links her to where he knew her from. However, because they had not known each other personally or talked to each other before, he felt a bit shy to say 'hi'. He wanted to, even almost about to, but the word never came out. One of the girls ( the one who knew him from somewhere as well) seemed to recognise him, but because he looked as if he did not know her, somehow, she did not say 'hi' as well. As his eyes met hers, they seemed to linger there for a little longer than necessary, as all this was passing through his mind.

At the next lesson a week after, as he entered the room, she was earlier than him, again. He tried to catch her eye, and hope that his courage would do the rest. Strangely, her eyes never met his that day.

A week later, as their lesson was coming to a close and as she was packing up her stuff, she turned round and looked around the room. He was so sure that in that few moments she would have seen him. He was looking down at his stuff, initially, but when he felt her eyes on him, he looked up at her. For a millisecond (or maybe it would have seemed longer), his brain was already telling him: say 'hi'!, and for another millisecond, the word was already on its way down to his mouth. But sadly, two milliseconds were too long. The very next moment, she turned away, leaving that awkward moment in both of their memories for another week.

Very often, people may think of a lot of things in their head, but because they never vocalise it, others never know what they are thinking. Communication can be such a beautiful thing, yet the lack of it could also lead to awkward moments. And so John learnt something that day.

The characters mentioned in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance(s) to any person(s), living or dead, is(are) purely coincidental.
____________

And so I went to watch Secret with my sister just now. It was nice! To me, that is. haha. actually, a lot of movies I see in the cinema always seem nice to me, maybe because of the big screen and comfortable chairs and drink to go along with it. Oh yes, the atmosphere and the audience plays a part too. =) The girl whose name was Sky was quite pretty, some might say prettier than the lead actress? However I feel that if she were to act the role of the main actress' maybe it would not have been that nice. Ahh crap. What matters is it was a nice show with some nice songs to me. =D


Oh yes. Happy Birthday Mum! hope you like the blouse we got you. x)












Pretty.

Chapter 17

I washed my tears at the sink. I did not dare to look at the mirror, for I knew in the reflection stood a murderer.

Jacky is dying.

I suddenly wanted to talk to someone, but who could I talk to? I had only grandmother to talk to now, but I did not feel it appropriate to talk to her about this.

In the end, with my eyes still swollen from the crying, I went back to the ward. Jacky smiled when he saw me, waving the book “Destiny’s Cries” on his hand. “Nice book, isn’t it?”

I said nothing. I sat beside him, confused over what I had done. My curses always come true, isn’t that the case? Always…

“Look at you. You’ve cried so much that your eyes are like tomatoes. Come; let me tell you a joke. Remember that day?”

Which day was he referring to? He acted as if I could remember every day.

“You know, that day, when I went on stage and said a joke, and you didn’t laugh?”

Oh. That day.

“You weren’t listening to me that day, right? Okay, I’m going to do an encore of it. You remain seated.” He pushed his blanket away. I was blinking fast, feeling an unusual pain in my eyes. Then he stood on the bed. I could see his legs shaking, not sure because of his fear or his cancerous cells.

“What the-” I pushed my chair away. “Come down! What are you doing? It’s dangerous!”

“Miss Joanna Fung, sit down, if not, I’ll keep on standing here till you sit down. Now, I’m going to repeat my performance on 27th March 2001!”

I sank into my seat. He still remembers the exact date? Gosh. He’s… amazing.

“There was once a matchstick who scratched its head. Then it died.”

I could not believe he was doing all these. The joke was funny – in fact, very funny – but I was in no mood to laugh. Before I could say anything, he cut in again.

He pointed at me and said, “That girl didn’t laugh.” Then he jumped a step, lowered his eyebrows and raised the pitch of his voice. “Which girl?” Again he jumped a step and said in his normal voice, “That girl with the glasses and long hair.” In a high pitched voice: “You mean the girl with tied up hair?” His voice: “Yeah, that’s the one. She never laughs!” High pitched: “Joanna! You didn’t laugh?” Finally he jumped one more step and clapped his hand. He seemed to be more active now, but he was panting softly. He darted his eyes onto mine, and this time, he said very softly, “Joanna, can you please wake up from your dreams and laugh at my joke? I beg you.”

I lay back on my seat and started shaking with uncontrollable laughter. He was replaying that day so brilliantly, as if we had taken a trip back in time. Suddenly I could smell the scent of that very day: The laughter of my classmates, my anger when he pointed at me and the embarrassment when I “laughed” sarcastically. It all came back like a bolt of lightning.

Jacky seemed exhausted. He beamed weakly, and slowly, lay back on the bed. Beads of sweat were escaping from his forehead.

“You laughed.” He said. “You laughed. That’s nice. It’s been so long since I hear you laughing. Can you do me a favour?”

Actually, I knew exactly what he was going to say next. Still, I asked, “What?”“Laugh more often.”

“I want you to hear my laughter.” I proclaimed. I was shaking my head, biting my teeth. That bastard. If he survives, I’m willing to do even a hundred favours for him. “Just… survive.”

“Alright, I promise. You promise as well, okay?” he whipped out his last finger.

I crossed my last finger with his. “I promise.”

You silly boy, just survive.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

On Saturday, I went to the hospital early in the morning. As I had predicted, Jacky was sleeping. So I peeled an apple for my breakfast and before I could take a bite, I heard his voice.

“Ah, an apple for breakfast. How nice.” He held out his hand, as if waiting for me to pass him the apple.

I gave it to him. Soon after that, we started chatting. I tried not to talk about the surgery, but somehow, in the mist of the chat, I still blurted it accidentally.

“It’s an easy operation.” He told me, his face beaming with confidence. “They’d just open up my skull, pull out the rock and sew my head back.”

I said nothing and so he reached for the drawer. I helped him open it and saw a familiar watch inside. “Can you take out the watch?” His hand was shaking. Gosh oh gosh, I suddenly remembered what the doctor once said.

“He’s slowly losing his ability to co-ordinate his muscle movements due to the cancer cells in his cerebellum. Just don’t let him do strenuous movements.”

I held the watch in my hand. It was the watch that he had given me for my birthday, the watch that I had thrown away in anger. Yet it still looked so new, as if it had just been cleaned.

“I really needed to pee that day. That’s why I ran off in such a hurry. I wasn’t embarrassed!”

“Okay, I believe you.”

“And er… remember the twenty bucks that I owe you?”

“Twenty bucks?”

“Yeah. That day when I needed a taxi to go home. Look, my wallet is-”

“Can you return it to me after your surgery?” I interrupted. “Please.”

He shrugged, laughing. “Okay. Gosh, I’ll wake up with a large load of debts.”

“Just one.”

“I also promised my mother that I’ll return her with a lifetime of love after I’ve wake up.”

“Oh.”

Can you also return me with a lifetime of love after you’ve wake up?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Someone once told me the longest wait is not created by the amount of time passed, but by your mind.

I was sitting beside Jacky, peeling another apple. He could not eat, for he would be undergoing the surgery in an hour’s time. I took a bite out of my apple and understood why he was so keen on eating these apples: The taste was a balanced combination of sweet and sour.

Jacky smiled, as if he was reading my mind. His face was an obvious victim of cancer: His bright and round eyes had veins snaking around. He must have lost at least three kilograms within this week.

“One more hour.” He whispered. Or maybe he was shouting. That was his loudest voice.

“One more hour.” I replied.

And so, we spent the next thirty minutes chatting about anything and everything. He told me about his mother, and I thanked him for bringing my grandmother back into my life.

“I didn’t do much. She was always beside you. You just didn’t notice her till now.”

As usual, he was that modest. Suddenly, he asked, “Can I hold your hand?”

I blushed and did not reply. However, my right hand automatically reached for him. And then we locked our hands.

“Wait for me, okay?”

I nodded.

“I’ll be back. So don’t you run off! I’m still the sun, shining on you, the flower. I’ll be back once the cloud moves away. Wait, just wait, okay?”

”I turned my head to prevent him from seeing my teary eyes. A nurse came in, and for that moment I wanted to yell unlimited curses at the nurse. But I stopped myself and turned to Jacky.

“Hello, you’d better come back. Even if you’re in hell or heaven, or any other place, you’d better come back here. Because I’ll…” I could not continue. I paused, gave myself a breather, and said, “I’ll be here, waiting for you.”

He let go of my hand and used a finger to poke my hand. It was his last finger, intimating me to shake it. I held out my last finger as well and we locked finger, shaking up and down.

“I promise.”

“I promise too.”

And as he was wheeled off, I experienced the longest wait in my life.

Final Note

If you're interested to know the ending of the story, you can purchase the book on the Online Store. The book is not available at bookstores.

The book version contains all the chapters in this website plus three more chapters (Chapter 18, Chapter 19 and Chapter 20). So in total, there are twenty chapters.

Extracted from Chapter 18:

I took in a deep long breath but I did not exhale. My hands were glued to the sides of the chair.

“Well, Joanna, I don’t know whether you’re the luckiest, or the most unlucky girl in the world.”

I cried, and I forgot when I stopped crying.

Extracted from Chapter 19:

If I had one of the abilities of God, I would have chosen to relive my past, and slowly, tenderly, treasuring every single hour, minute and second with you. Every single moment with you.

But it was too late. All too late.

Extracted from Chapter 20:

My grandmother had passed away peacefully two weeks before my A Levels. Initially, when I saw her lying on the sofa, I thought she was just resting. I went forward, wanting to wake her up. It was then I realized she was smiling but her eyes were closed.

If you are interested to read more stories by Low Kay Hwa, please subscribe to the Goody Bite. To purchase the book, please go to Online Store.

WA! I hate this. Cliffhanger! Honestly I also just read until here today because as I posted the chapters I read the story. Sian. Anyone knows the ending? LOL. Anyway, that's the end of the story guys. Sorry I didnt know it will end that way. haha. Seven-part story just like a seven-part soul. ERR!

Good day. x)

Farewell Party @ East Meadows yesterday! ok I must admit that the food wasn't that spectacular... but who cares? it's the company that matters.. =D Soccer with Junyu, Terence, Jingwen and some Year Ones in the afternoon in the AHS street soccer court. BAREFOOT. so what do you get when you add hot sun, high speeds and no protection for your dear feet? BLISTERS! almost all of us had blisters.. now still a bit pain hahaha.. after that was Water Bombs in the field! the Year Ones and Twos were given a number of water bombs each to throw at each other (meaning year one throw year two and vice versa). when we reached there the Year Ones were already carrying their ammunition in their hands. haha who knows whether they didn't have more than us? =x lol. but anyway that wasn't a big deal. when the game started, I grabbed three water bombs and started walking towards the group of Year Ones crowded together, looking for an easy target. then wa suddenly Wei Ren grabbed me from behind and wanted to burst my 3 bombs. quite cheapskate right. I tried to resist but couldn't do much from my awkward position. as I felt two of them getting smashed just like that I was quite angry.. mainly coz the game just started and I hadn't got to wet anyone yet then suddenly my ammo just gone like that.. through such a lowdown method.. so what I did was I aimed for the back of his head with my remaining water bomb in my right hand and made him wet too. but in the tussle I accidentally hit his specs.. and one of the lens came out.. lucky managed to put back.. sorry Wei Ren. =D

After dinner we played charades.. my group members were really fun! haha... Zoe very funny she see Han Yang act out the 'teletubbies' then go add in some other action LOL... the second time I was the guesser.. supposed to guess the song 'My Humps'... you all can imagine the acting... but I was too noob couldn't guess. haha.. so in the end our group had to do forfeits... Pole Dance in front of the Touch Rugby girls who were also having their farewell there.. HOW FUN. went in there and made a fool of myself.. hahaha.. I must have looked quite stupid. should call it 'cue dancing' coz we 'danced' with the cues from the pool table. haha. anyone took pictures of us 'pole dancing'?

Gift Exchange. actually it was exchange for the exco members.. we weren't supposed to receive gifts so I didnt prepare any present but I received a shirt from Han yang with the words 'Iron Man' on it.. actually feel quite bad.. I would have preferred that I prepared something for him if we knew we were getting too.. thanks Han Yang...

Sharing session with the coaches and teachers was quite emotional but no, Yingxuan and Choonwei, I didn't cry.. haha just yawn a bit then a bit watery only ma.. honestly! lol.. thanks Year Twos for all the heartwarming msgs... they really touching and felt really appreciated.. especially by some of them.. they make you realise things that you never knew about yourself.. Graham you ah.. learn from limzy ah? use chim word. EPITOME.. haha.. Eleanor arh.. draw MOOVARN.. want give me your good luck ah? =D haha.. Eleanor Choo! how was the WATER BOMB on your back?? =) LOL..

our coaches gave us a photo collage with a message behind it.. across it is printed the words TJ Rockers 06/07.. thank you Philip and Kelly. it's really cool.. COINCIDENTALLY, we thought of the same thing to give him! a photo collage. lol. haha.. Great minds think alike.

we didn't really get a chance to thank the Year Ones and TAs for the effort and hard work and say bye... THANKS A LOT GUYS.. Next year you will understand a lot of the things Philip said during the sharing... Have fun at Batu Caves..! =)

whoa... the sea of RED at Marina yesterday was overwhelming! hahaha.. though the stadium was smaller than the National Stadium at Kallang, I felt that this was nice and cosy... haha.. I shall not talk too much about what happened coz most of you would have watched it on tv I guess.. anyway the few things I liked this year compared to previous years are:

Chapter 14

“Can’t be…” I was shaking and smiling at the same time. “Can’t be… not now… not now! Can’t be!”

How could everything come at this time? Just when I realized I had feelings for him, he had to say that he was dying soon? How could this be happening?

No!

Jacky grabbed my hand. “Cool down-”

“What disease do you have?” I whispered. I was taking three deep breaths a second. “What…?”

“I thought you knew-”

“I lied.” I said that so softly that I wondered if I had said anything. I stood up and looked out of the window. I could see a slight reflection of myself from the glass window. My eyes were half-closed, red with tears streaming down fast. I was jerking hard, as if there was an earthquake.

“Brain cancer. It’s a hereditary disease, I think. My father had stomach cancer. And now I’ve got brain cancer.”

“Isn’t there a cure for it?”

“No. The doctors can only stop the cells from spreading. But there’s a tumour in my head, so it’s hard to do treatment. The only way is…”

“Surgery?”

“Right, but it’s a surgery on the brain. So the risk involved is very high. And the percentage of total recovery is only…” he paused. I waited as I did not want to interrupt him. “Fifteen percent.”

“Fifteen? One five, fifteen?”

“Yes.”I ran my fingers through my hair. Why… why is this happening!? Why!?

“No…” I was whispering. I stared at the reflection again. I was smiling yet shaking my head. “No, no, no, you’re lying. Oh, fuck, you’re lying.” I took out my lighter and ignited it. Then I put it out and ignited it again. I hauled out the pack of cigarettes from my pocket and played with the cover.

“Joanna, don’t be like this-”

“Stop playing with me, Jacky, stop playing with me.” I let out a sigh and dropped the lighter onto the ground. “Stop playing with my feelings. Love, leave, love, leave, love, leave. Stop it all.”

“You’ve got to calm down, Joanna. We can-”

“Fuck you.” Suddenly I felt guilty. I was scolding a guy who was going to die. What the heck am I doing? “Fuck-” I stopped. I rushed to the door and ran out.

Oh, gosh, oh gosh. Gosh. What a fucking complicated life I’m living.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I had lit my fifth cigarette when I decided to think logically. I was sitting on one of the many benches in the park, glaring at every single person walking by. I had a giddy spell by my third stick, but somehow, I just wanted to smoke more.

Cancer? Death? I had never expected such issues to rub shoulders with me. It had always been the least of my worries. For the past few years, I had always been worried only about the words that I said. The curse I have been carrying.

And somewhere out there, someone close to me had been battling an enemy called cancer and fleeing from an adversary named death? Somewhere out there, a person has been smiling for twenty-four hours a day even though he was next to the gates of hell?

I blew the smoke out of my lungs through my nose, somewhat like a dragon. What could I do? What could I do to make him feel better? I was at my wits’ end, trapped in a nest of confusion.

My tears had not stopped streaming since I dashed out of the ward. I had two missed calls traced to Jacky’s handphone. I did not call back. I merely messaged him a “Give me time”. I knew I would lose control if I heard his voice.

What must I do now?

I flicked the cigarette butt away and knew there was no way I could find the answer here. I headed home. I might not have Landy anymore, but I had a new chat mate.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Fortunately, my grandmother was still awake when I reached home.

It was six-thirty in the evening. She was sitting on the sofa, just like what Landy used to do. She was massaging her legs while watching the news. I sat down next to her.

This is my grandmother? Suddenly, I was hit by a tinge of guilt. We seldom talked, for I had Landy as a companion. But who did she have to confide in? Who did she approach when she was depressed? I have always been beside her, yet I lived in my own little world, ignoring the very same old lady who was sitting in front of me.

I gently pushed her hand away and rubbed at her leg. She smiled and passed me the ointment. “Wah, Gwan, so good today?” she said.

I shrugged. What kind of life had I been living for the past few years? A life of escape? A life of rebellion? Against this whole world?

I said nothing as I continued to massage. When a droplet of water splashed on my grandmother’s leg, I realized I was crying again. I dared not look up.

“Tell me what happened.” My grandmother said.

I recalled the days I spent with Landy. I would sit here, chatting with Landy while my grandmother would greet us and retreat to her room. Jacky changed everything. He chased away my imaginary friend and brought me closer to my grandmother.

I told my grandmother everything about Jacky. I told her how he smiled in every situation, how he always kept his temper. I told her about the first day that he held my hand, and how he helped me thus far. I told her everything, from my curse to Landy. And finally, I told her that Jacky was dying. And I told her of how much I love him.

“I love him.” I repeated the sentence, as if it would help. “I love him a lot.”

My grandmother did not interrupt me at all. She just nodded and occasionally patted me on my shoulder. Her eyes held contact with mine as I mouthed every word. At times she would smile when I mentioned something funny that Jacky did. Sometimes a frown would appear on her face when I raked up sad memories.

“What do you intend to do?”

I was at a loss for words. Here I was, trying to get an answer to that question. Yet there she was, posing me that question. I shook my head. “What can I do?” I whispered.

“You want me to tell you a story?”

I did nothing. I continued staring at the floor, counting the drops of tears that had escaped from my eyes.“

I’ve never told anyone about the story of your grandfather and me.” She grabbed my shoulders and held me straight up. I was amazed by her strength. “Be strong and listen to my story. Because this story is all about courage. That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?”

Chapter 15

“Your grandfather and I met when I was working at restaurant as a dish-washer. He was the cook of the restaurant. When we saw each other, we knew it was love at first sight.

“He kept staring at me while he was cooking and I could not concentrate on my washing. I stole quick glances of him, amazed by his awesome cooking skills and his good looks. By the fifth day of my work, he asked me out. I did not reject. And so we went to a park and chatted about almost everything under the sun.”

I tried to recollect memories of my grandfather. It was then that I realized I had never seen him before: He died before I was born. However, in my mind now, I was painting a picture of him: A young and handsome man who knew how to turn an uncooked egg into an omelette.

“We went on a few more dates. Unknowingly, we started holding hands. And as we continued dating, our love for each other grew so much that a day apart was intolerable.

“Whenever I woke up, I would wonder what he was doing. Whenever I walked to work, I would wonder if he was doing the same thing. If there were handphones during my time, I would have called him every single minute.“

Then one day, he brought me to a forest. Although I declined, he insisted. So we went into the dark forest, carrying only lighted candles. Suddenly, he disappeared. I panicked and nearly fainted, but he suddenly reappeared with a ring on his hand. He kneeled before me and proposed to me.”

I wiped off the remnants of my tears and tried to smile. Although I failed, my grandmother sensed my attempt and patted me on my shoulder.

“How could I have rejected? How could I have rejected such an offer? I cried on the spot, and within ten days, we were officially husband and wife.”

I realized that everyone had a story to tell: The auntie selling fish soup may have the most romantic love story; my old and stubborn Literature lecturer Mrs Goh may have the most tragic story to tell. Yet I always pondered on the poignancy of my own story, as if my story superseded all of theirs.

“Our relationship was as strong as a rock during our first few years of marriage. But everything soon changed. We began to drift apart. We seldom talked. There was just no reason for this rift.”

“You didn’t love him anymore?” I asked, curious.

My grandmother did not answer me. She sighed, and then continued, “I thought of divorce. But during my time, divorce was a taboo. We continued living together, exchanging less than a few words a day. And as a tradition, we had to bear a child for our parents.

“And so your mother is born. Even with the addition of a new member in the family, we still behaved like strangers. Your mother, angry with us for not giving her a good family, married off when she was just seventeen. And when I was fifty, I decided to move out. I lived alone here for five years, until your grandfather called me. He said he didn’t have much time left.”

I cursed beneath my breath. Jacky’s words rang in my mind repeatedly: “Two more years, to be exact if I don’t have the operation within this few months.”

“So I went to the hospital. Your grandfather asked me a question that made me think a lot: ‘Have you loved me throughout our marriage?’ I was lost for words. I spent the entire day thinking. And when I finally said yes, we hugged.

“Since then, I began visiting him in the hospital for his remaining days. He said something the day before he died which touched me very deeply: ‘I’ve been the happiest man in the world for two times: The first time is when you agreed to marry me, and the second time is when you said you had always loved me throughout our marriage. Because I have loved you all this while as well, but I just didn’t dare to say it.’”

My grandmother smiled when she finished her story. I knew that the memories of her dead husband were replaying in her mind. I, on the other hand, was thinking hard as well. There was a moral in her story, and with a twist of my neck, I finally knew what it was.

“Your grandfather was smiling when he died. Doesn’t matter how long we live as long as we live with a smile on our face.”

Yes, now I got it, the moral of the story. At that moment, I wanted to kiss my grandmother, but I dared not. However, after I had picked my keys up, I leaned forward and kissed her. “I love you.” I said, and made my way out.

Wait for me, Jacky.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I had just finished telling the taxi driver my destination when my handphone rang.

“Joanna?” the female voice on the other end sounded familiar. It was Jacky’s mother. “I don’t know who else to call. You are the only one who knows everything now. Jacky’s in trouble.”

My grip on the handphone tightened and I asked, “What’s wrong?”

“The cancer cells are starting to spread. He needs an operation soon. Just… come.”

When she hung up, I got the taxi driver to stop. And for the next few minutes, I stared out of the window, saying nothing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Look at this.” the doctor pointed at a negative of a brain X-ray. A dark spot was visible on the left of it. “This is the tumour. His case is Diffuse Astrocytomas Grade Two. The cancer cells will spread, but at a very slow rate. For the past few months, we’ve been trying to stop the cells from spreading too much. But it’s hard now.”

I tried to process what the doctor had said. He was explaining in layman’s terms. Jacky’s mother sat beside me, her eyes wide open.

“The reason why we’ve not operated on him is because of the fact that his tumour is very close to his brain stem, a very important structure of the brain. However, his cancerous cells have now spread into the brain stem, growing near the cerebellum. The cerebellum is responsible for the movement of his muscles.”

“Surgery is the only way now?” Jacky’s mother said.

The doctor nodded.

“Then what is the success rate?”

The doctor shrugged. Bad news. “Fifteen percent. It is very risky as the cancer cells are inside the brain stem.”

“What if he doesn’t take the surgery?”

“He will first become paralysed. Then he will begin losing his brain functions and become brain-dead after a few months.” We were left speechless with that. He continued, as if he had no feelings. “The surgery must be done by next week. If not, we will lose control over the cancerous cells.”

“Who makes the decision?”

“He’s under eighteen, so the final decision still rests with you.” The doctor said. Jacky’s mother’s expression was a fusion of confusion and depression.

“Great.” She said, and walked off without saying bye.

Jacky’s dying within a few months. That thought whirled in my mind like a bad dream. Oh, please let me wake up from this nightmare.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I had just finished peeling an apple when Jacky woke up. Actually, I had intended to eat the apple, but since Jacky woke up exactly when I had finished peeling it, I passed him the apple. He held out his weakened hand to take the apple.

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, eh?” he said, taking a bite. “Get me more apples. Then I’ll be discharged soon.”

He already knew the situation. Her mother had agreed to the operation, and he was to undergo the surgery next Thursday. He knew the success rate was only fifteen percent, and he also knew the consequences if he did not undergo the surgery. Yet his trademark smile still lingered on his lips.

I wanted to say something, but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Talk to me, Jacky.

“I may have a bandage here on my head when the play comes around, so I may not be able to do the play. You make sure Johnny does a great job, eh?” he said. Johnny, one of our classmates, was to take over him as Romeo. “And yeah, I took up the role because I only needed to memorise two words and got to lie on a pretty girl’s back. But now it’s different. It’s free-style. That’s why I’m backing out.” He laughed. It sounded strange.

“Rest.” I whispered.

“I’m lying on the bed with a blanket over me. I’m resting. And I’m eating an apple!” With that, he dropped the apple. It rolled off the bed and hit the floor. I went towards it but he stopped me.

“No. I’ll do it.” He said, and slowly climbed out of the bed. With great effort, he lifted the apple up as if it weighed ten kilograms. I could not make out whether he was just joking or he was really suffering. “See? I can do it. I can get an apple from the floor. Why can’t I get a rock out of my head? The rock is so much smaller than this apple!”

I stayed with him for a few more hours before I left. As I was on my way out, I saw Doctor Ong, my psychiatrist. I tried avoiding him by looking at the floor, covering my face with my hair. But my uniform gave me away.

“Hey, Joanna.” I heard his voice. “I’d really love it if you could come visit me some day.” He said, obviously trying to mock me. Go to your clinic and curse more people? I wondered.

“What are you doing here?” I said.

“I’m here to visit your best friend.” He stressed the word best. Actually, I wanted to ask him about Landy. But before I could say anything, he was off into Jacky’s ward.

How did he know of Jacky’s condition?

Chapter 16

I had come to a profound conclusion: I had the most complicated life in the world.

Firstly, I had a fatal curse. Secondly, my longtime best friend was imaginary. Thirdly, the guy whom I love so much is dying.

Everything in my world seemed to collapse all of a sudden. I skipped school one day and visited Jacky. My classmates kept on asking me to go for the last full-dress rehearsal of the play but I declined. What good can a stupid play do now?

Jacky, as usual, was snoring his head off in the morning. I refilled the water in the flask, bought fruits to top up the basket and dug out a book to read. It had been a long while since I had read a book. The book was entitled “Destiny’s Cries”, a romantic love story set in Singapore written by Low Kay Hwa. Not too long ago, someone (I forgot who) introduced the book to me but I had refused to read it. Now, in this forlorn ward occupied only by Jacky and me, I began reading the first page.

I spent my morning listening to Jacky’s snores and reading the book. Amazingly, I finished the book within a few hours and was crying at the ending.

The story was about a guy, Alan, who found a girl, Destiny, at a rooftop. Alan went to the rooftop another day and saw Destiny again, and realized later in the story that Destiny had always been waiting for him there. But when they fell in love, trials and tribulations appeared and Alan was faced with a challenge that would test his love forever.

I began to peel an apple, hungry after all the reading. When I was done, Jacky moved and opened his eyes. When he saw the apple in my hand, he reached for it.

“Great, an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” He said. “You’re good. Whenever an apple is peeled, its colour will change within a few minutes. Yours, your apple’s colour is always so fresh.”

I shook my head weakly, saying nothing. My phone rang again but I rejected the call. “Those classmates of ours are asking me to go for the play.” I explained. Everyone knew of his condition by now. Most of them visited him during evenings as they had commitments in the afternoon.

“Go. Go and get a trophy for me.”

“I don’t wanna-”

“I wanna see the trophy when I wake up.” He said. “Come back again when you’re done with the rehearsal. Go.”

I fought my compulsion and stood up.

“Make sure you get the trophy. Make sure you get it.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The rehearsal went by smoothly.

Our lecturers decided to add a special program on the day of the play. They wanted every one of us to dedicate a message to Jacky on stage. Many of my classmates instantly composed a message. I sat in a corner and thought of what to say on the actual day. Then I borrowed a pen from Michael and slowly, I penned my message.

The play was scheduled for next Monday, four days after Jacky’s surgery. I kept on wondering whether I would be smiling or crying on that day.

After we were done with writing our messages, I went off to the hospital again. Jacky had one more week left, and I was going to make full use of that one week.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jacky was reading a magazine when I reached his ward.

He smiled upon my entrance. But his smile seemed to be too wide, too forced. Something was wrong. I sat beside him and said nothing. I did not know what to say. He had always been the one starting the conversation. Not me.

“I’m going for the surgery on Thursday, 2pm. September 25, 2003.” He said.

“I know.”

“Curse me.”

I nearly dropped myself onto the floor. Butterflies flew around in my empty stomach and my tongue stuck out without my control. What did he just say? Curse him!?

“Curse me. Say I’ll never wake up from my operation. Say I’ll be in coma forever after my surgery.” He said indifferently.

I balled my hand into a fist. How can he play with my curse like that! I could hear the loud and fast thumping of my heart. “It’s not a joke. It’s not a funny matter. Don’t mess around with my curse.”

“You don’t have a curse and I’m going to prove it to you. I’m going to wake up on Thursday night, a living proof that your so-called curse is a mental illness called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Landy is one good example that you’re suffering from a mental illness.”

“You’ll-” I stopped. I was going to say the word “die”, but I managed to hold back in time. “Don’t.” I whispered. As I discovered my curse a long time ago, I had realised by now that the only way to prevent me from cursing anyone in a quarrel is by walking away.

Without saying anything further, I dashed for the exit.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jacky’s mother called me a few hours later. Her voice was hoarse and choky. I was sitting at the cafeteria of the hospital, gazing at every single person who bought anything from the fruits stall.

“Jacky decided not to have the operation.” She was saying. Every time she called me, it was always bad news. How I hoped I had not picked up any of her calls. “He said the reason is because of you. What happened?”

I wanted so much to explain over the phone, but it would take a long time. “Leave it to me. I’ll go talk to him now.”

I puffed on two cigarettes outside the hospital, mustered all my courage, then went to the ward again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As I predicted, Jacky’s mother was inside the ward, talking to Jacky. Jacky was chewing on an unpeeled apple. “Ah, here comes the expert in apple-peeling.”

Jacky’s mother was expressionless. She glared at me for a while, sighed loudly and went out of the ward. I was alone with Jacky again. He was still biting his apple. “My mum doesn’t really know how to peel an apple. So I have it unpeeled.”

I was lost for words. Sometimes, I wondered if everything had been a plot. How could he still be so jovial when he knew he was dying soon?

“Go for the surgery.” I advised.

“Curse me.”

“Go for the surg-”

“Curse me. You can do it. Curse me, and I’ll go for it.”

What could I say? It was like him asking me to kill him. But if I don’t curse him, and he doesn’t undergo the surgery, the percentage of his survival is zero. But if I curse him…

“I’m going to wake up. Trust me. I’m going to prove to you that your curses are nothing but mind games. I’m going to prove to you that. Come one, curse me. If not I’ve only got a few more months to live.”

You’ll die with my curse! My curses are curses, not some simple mental illness!

I was put in the most difficult position in my life. I thought hard. Both decisions would leave me on a losing end. I felt like running around the ward now, shouting and screaming at the top of my voice.

“You don’t fuck around with my curse.” I said softly and took out my pack of Marlboro, but it was empty. Throwing it to a side, I whipped out my lighter and tossed it away as well. I was really desperate for a puff of tobacco now. “Will you really wake up?” I asked. What a stupid question. I had lost control of myself. My lips were shaking and really, I felt like jumping onto Jacky and slapping his face for a million times.

“Yes.”

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I did not let out my breath, staying in that position for a long period of time. When I finally exhaled, I began to say something.

“Then you bastard, you fucking bastard, you’re not going to wake up once you undergo the surgery. You’re going to get into a deep coma, and then your body will be cemented like some fish in the market.”

I said that.

I just cursed Jacky to death.

Oh, fuck you, Joanna Fung Wai Gwan.

haha I wonder how many people out there actually had the patience to follow the story..? haha i guess most would be too lazy to read.. but anyway for those who have been following, it's ending soon! Stay tuned for the final 2 chapters! to those who haven't been following, sorry to bore you! haha..

Have a wonderful National Day Celebration!

Chapter 12

I cried throughout the whole journey home. The taxi-driver did nothing. He must have had picked up crying girls all too often.

When I reached home minutes later, I called Landy. Strangely, all I did was to press the last dialed number and Landy’s voice came.

“Landy, can you do me a favour? Come out now. I need your help.”

A few minutes later, Landy and I were out on the streets. It was nine at night, but the market place was still teeming with people. I approached the auntie who always sells fish soup to me.

“Hi, auntie.” I said. She was an old frail lady, but when I greeted her, her eyes sparkled. She must be surprised, for I had never greeted her before.

“Oh, hi ah girl.” She replied after some hesitation.

I pointed to Landy. “This is my best friend, Landy.” I said in Chinese.

She looked at Landy. I knew I was right all along. But after a few seconds, she took a step back and bit her lips. “What? Huh?”

I started to shiver. This can’t be… “This young and pretty lady here,” I rested my hand on Landy’s shoulder. “…is my best friend.”

The auntie was lost for words. “I…” Then she took out a yellow paper from her wallet and clapped her hands together. I stared in disbelief. She started to pray to her surroundings. “God bless…” then she said something in Chinese that I could not understand. Before I could say anything, she turned to me and said aloud, “Bye, girl.”

She then rushed off as if she had just seen a ghost. And Landy was still smiling.

I did this experiment a few more times with some other people. They either told me to stop joking, or thought I was possessed by some spirit.

None of them could see Landy.

Except me.

And just when I was about to probe Landy about this, she was gone. Just like that. Poof, gone without any warning. And, as expected, I tried calling her but I could not get through.

Oh. Bastard Jacky. He should have just shut the fuck up and left the truth unrevealed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I felt so lonely.

I went to school as usual the next day, this time, however, feeling like it was the first day of school. I was trying hard to avoid Jacky, but he was, as usual, as sticky as glue. He tried to start a conversation but I would cut him off with these two words: “Shut up.”

Finally lunch break came. This was the first time that I was not looking forward to it. Jacky bought my drink, but I went off and bought my own. “Joanna-”

“Shut up.” I said it for the tenth time.

“Let me help-”

“Why are you doing all this?” Now I was boiling with anger. Could it be the laksa in front of me that spurred me? When I looked at Jacky, I realized it was not the laksa. It was his face: his compassionate face that fueled the anger within me. “Why are you doing all this, Jacky!?” I was half-yelling.

“I want to do something meaningful-”

“Fuck you!” I screamed. The whole canteen went quiet. Only the sound of the fans’ whirring could be heard. “Don’t give me that fucking excuse anymore! There’re more than a thousand people in this school: Why me? Why!?”

He was quiet and seemed to be on the verge of tears.

“Is it because you pity me!?” If he was facing me, I could have given him a tight slap. “Is it because you think I need sympathy, that’s why you’re doing all this!?”

“Yes. Maybe because I pity you that’s why I’m doing all this.” He said softly. People were bending forward, trying to make out what he had just said.

“And when you knew that my best friend is an imaginary friend, you pitied me more?! That’s why you held my hand!? Be nice to me, because the best remedy for imaginary friends is to make me happy and socially involved? That’s why you said all those fucking idiotic things at my void deck!?”

I could tell that he was thinking. “Maybe.” He answered softly again. “That may be the reason.”

“You bastard.” A whisper this time. I splashed my glass of Diet Coke onto his face. Then I smacked his cheek hard. “You bastard.” I said again, and then walked off.

I was expecting him to give chase. But he did not.

He must have stopped pitying me. I went straight to the toilet. No one bothered to come forward to console me. After washing my tears off, it was time to go back to class. I was dreading having to see Jacky again.

We did not say anything more for the rest of the day. I confined myself to my notes and he was absorbed in the lecturer’s voice.

Gosh oh gosh. What the heck had just happened? What the heck had I just done? An imaginary friend? A one-sided love story?

Suddenly it occurred to me. Now I knew why Jacky could not be my boyfriend. That night, when he said we could not be together, I had cursed him. I had cursed him not to fall in love with me when I was angry.

My. Gosh. It was my fault. My fault!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I went back to an empty house. My grandmother came home after a few hours. Had she been seeing things as well for the past four years?

“Grandma,” I asked in Hokkien. “Do you remember Landy?”

“Of course.” She replied.

I looked around the living room. It was empty except for her and me. I pointed to the empty sofa and said, “She’s here.”

She made an effort to look at the sofa then turned back at me. Her answer sent chills down my spine. “Yes, she still looks so beautiful. I’m going back to my room. You have a nice chat with her.”

“Can you… chat with me?” I requested. Since my mother’s death, I had not had a decent chat with my grandmother. We had a “hi” & “bye” relationship. She had earned her living through collecting cans and donations from the residents. All my allowances came from her and from my auntie.

My grandmother rolled her eyes. She ambled to the sofa and sat down, patting the seat beside me. She must have forgotten that Landy was “there”.

Jacky had called me a few times but I rejected all his calls. I felt that he was just putting on a mask.

“I’m feeling very lonely.” I told my grandmother. It was just so weird. I meant, my grandmother had always been so close to me, yet I had always consigned her to one side, as if she did not exist.

“How old are you already, Gwan?” she suddenly asked. Gwan was the name that my parents used to call me. It had such a forgotten history that I nearly couldn’t remember that was my name.

I told her almost everything about myself. My age, my school and my life in general. I did not tell her about Landy and my curse. Instead, I found myself talking to her about Jacky. It just came out of nowhere.

“He’s a very nice and handsome guy.” I said. “Tall, tanned and always smiling. I always tell myself that I had not fallen in love with him.”

“Why?”

“Because… I don’t know. I knew I couldn’t love him. Grandma, what does love feels like?”

My grandmother took a very long breath. However, I could tell that she was not thinking. She was preparing for a very long chat. “Easy. Tell me, two hours ago, who were you thinking of?”

I thought back. “Jacky.”

“Who are you thinking of now?”

“Jacky.”

“And if you’re still thinking of him two hours later, you’re in love. Gwan, love is a simple thing. It’s either you love, or you don’t. You can try everything, almost everything to prevent yourself from loving, but it all boils down to this: Either you love, or you don’t.”

I pondered on her words.

“Doesn’t matter how long the love lasts. You’ll be contented once you know you were in love before. Have I told you about the magnet theory?”

I shook my head.

“You’re like the North Pole of a magnet bar, and Jacky is also like the North Pole of a magnet bar. There’s no way for both of you to be close together. There’s a force that’ll always push you both apart. This force is called the obstacle, like interest differences, communication problems and etc."

“However, if you put a metal bar in between, both you magnets will stick to it. And you’ll be close to each other. That metal bar dissolves the force that pushes both of you away. And that metal bar is what we called love.”

What a load of bullshit.

However, when I realized I was thinking of Jacky two hours later, I began to ponder her words again. Our metal bar… where can we find it? I wanted so much to ask my grandmother about it again, but she was asleep.

And so I went to bed as well.

Chapter 13

Sometimes, it is so hard to say just three words.

I smelled the rich aroma of Jacky’s coffee. The scent was overbearing. Jacky was sitting beside me, taking another sip of his coffee. I stirred my diet coke with my straw and yawned.

He still sat beside me in class as per his routine, and I did not oppose him. And at lunch break now, we had our lunch in silence. Jacky did not buy my drink; instead I bought his for him. Yet he just passed me the money without saying a word.

Through the corner of my eye, I could see that he had finished his coffee and was coughing as if coffee would create phlegm. On the contrary, my diet coke was still full. There were still about ten more minutes before we had to head back to class.

Come on, say it, Joanna!

I turned to Jacky. Stunned, he returned my look. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were bloodshot. Despite downing the whole cup of coffee, his lips still looked dry. “You look pale.” I suddenly said and instantly regretted it.

“Is it?” he twisted his neck. “Lack of sleep. Been thinking…”

I wanted so much to crack a joke so that he would regain the redness on his cheeks. But I did not. I must say it now, or never.

Come on, be brave, just three words!

"Hey.” I muttered, softer this time. I did not want others to hear me.

“Hey.” He replied. That idiot. Can’t he see that I’m struggling to say something to him?

“Hey.” I said again.

“Hey.”

“Hey, hey.”

“Can I…” he stopped.

“Wait.” I felt as if this conversation was going nowhere. “I-”

“Hold your-”

“Love-”

“Hand?”

“You.”

When we both finished our sentences, his head dropped on the table slowly, creating a loud “bang”. His body began to sway towards me. I leaned forward to hold his shoulder, trying to break his fall but he was too heavy. He went tumbling onto the ground and all I could do was to lessen the impact of the fall.

His eyes were closed and his cheeks were drained of colour. I shook his shoulders violently. Bewildered students crowded around us, whispering yet doing nothing.

“Jacky!” I was shaking him, but he gave no response. “Jacky!”

A lecturer came, dispersed the students and sent Jacky to the hospital.

And I went along with the ambulance, my heart beating so fast that I could have had a heart attack anytime.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jacky’s mother was a beautiful woman – it was obvious now where Jacky’s striking features had come from. She sat in the waiting room, muttering things that I could not understand.

I was with Michael and Jacky’s other friends, all waiting anxiously as he was wheeled into the ward. Michael was trying to console all of us, and he was the one that introduced us as classmates of Jacky to his mother.

The wait was over in about fifteen minutes. The doctor came out and talked to Jacky’s mother for a while. He was not smiling, nor was he frowning. When he finished, the nurse spoke to Jacky’s mother as the doctor went off.

We went forward. I was trying to discern something from Jacky’s mother’s expression. She seemed relieved.

“Jacky’s fine. Thanks a lot for all your concern. He just fainted due to stress over his studies. And he’s not fit to see anyone now. Come back another day, alright?” Jacky’s mother told us after the nurse had left.

Everyone left but I stayed. I could sense that something was wrong. Jacky’s mother did not seem worried when talking to us. What left me dumbfounded was why Jacky should be hospitalized when he was merely under too much stress.

I entered the ward. Jacky’s mother’s eyes were red-shot. She had been crying. When she saw me, she cupped her eyes for a while before opening them.

“Didn’t I ask you all to go back home first?” she said, a bit impatiently.

“Can I talk to you?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Instead of talking at the hospital’s cafeteria, we went to the park.

Jacky’s mother was a reserved lady. Throughout the whole journey, she said nothing. When we reached the park, we sat beside an old man. The old man was wearing a patient’s uniform, and he kept smiling at me as if he knew me.

“It’s not just over-stress, right?”

“It is.”

“Being hospitalized for over-stress? Not waking up till now simply because he’s under too much stress? I’ve-”

“Please don’t act as if you know Jacky very well. You’re just his classmate, a friend, or whatever. Please, I don’t want to start a quarrel or whatever. When I said over-stress, it’s over-stress. What more can I say?”

“But-”

“He’s just under too much stress. If you don’t believe me, fine with that. I’m going back to my office. I don’t want to be over-stressed myself.” With that, she went off, leaving me alone with the old man.

“Young lady,” the old man suddenly asked. “Are you just his classmate, a friend?”

He must have been eavesdropping on our conversation. However, I saw no harm in telling him the truth, so I said, “I believe I’m more than that.”

“Alright then, love him while you can. In love, there’s only love or don’t love. Since you love him, do it now.” The old man said.

Why do all old people say the same thing? For a nanosecond, I wondered if he was my long-lost dead Grandfather or not.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Suddenly, it all made sense. It all made so much sense that I bought a pack of cigarettes and lighted one before going back to the ward.

“I wanna help you. To see you smile.”

“I want to do something meaningful while I can.”

Jacky had said that before. To do something meaningful while he could. I shivered at that thought. I really hoped that it would not be what I had expected.

I walked up the stairs with my head spinning. The cigarette had made me giddy. Jacky had awakened when I reached the ward. He was smiling.

“Hey.” I said.

He just nodded weakly, and pointed to the flask of water beside him. I poured him water. “I like coffee better.” He smiled.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said. I was biting my lips, taking deep breaths. I could hear every single beat of my heart, and it was so fast that I was unable to count.

“You know?” Jacky mouthed.

“Your mother told me all about it.”

“Can’t be. I asked her not to tell anyone. She promised.”

“How can a matter like this be kept a secret?” I said. I realized I was smiling. Gosh. “So, how many months more do you have?” I suddenly asked, and then whispered very, very softly, “Fuck.”

Jacky was avoiding my gaze.

Please, say I’m wrong, say you don’t understand what I mean… please. Please.

It was a long wait. My hands were clutched and I felt the shape of my lips: I was smiling.

Fuck, I’m fucking insane. I’m smiling. I’m smiling. I’m smiling!

Then he did the most astonishing feat I had ever seen in my life. He grabbed a lump of his hair, shook a bit, and pulled it out. Almost all his hairs were in his hand now. His scalp was nothing but few strings of thin hair.

“Two more years, to be exact if I don’t have the operation within this few months.”

Fuck.

whoaa.. today was a TIRING day! haha.. had NAPFA.. well, here are the statistics..

Sit and Reach ----------- 51cm------ A
Standing Broad Jump -- 240cm -----B
Sit-Ups -------------------- 43 --------- A
Pull-Ups ------------------- 21--------- A
Shuttle Run ----------------9.5 s------A
2.4 km Run ---------12 min 30 s ----D

okay so I got Silver... the run still knocked me down in the end... haha.. it's kind of sad because I've been getting Gold for the past 6 or 7 years? lol.. I have this theory that NAPFA tests get harder the older we get... really. last time the Standing Broad Jump always jump quite far one haha then slowly go down year by year.. lol.. but lucky I managed to get B today... past few times I've practiced only managed to get a 230cm on the better attempts which is a C at most.. today what happened was, I looked at the 240 mark instead of the 230 mark on my second try... and ta-da! quite lucky la. haha.. so aim far! x)

actually I was kind of expecting the run to be the stumbling block. my stamina really is bad.. that coupled with the fact that I was kind of sick today.. had a bit of cough.. and last night had runny nose.. My breathing during the run was all screwed up... keep feeling out of breath.. I didn't normally feel like that during the mass P.E runs that we had.. on the last lap I felt like vomiting. really. the "vomit" or feeling of vomit already came like up to my chest... lucky I managed to control.. if I really vomited out I would have wasted a lot of time.. 21 seconds more then E already.. lol.. so we should all learn to be contented.. I am... =D

the teacher is really funny... during the briefing he was saying... "if you all are going for the record, tell me..." lol.. isn't that kind of funny.. haha. hmmm I wonder if break the record got award? anyway that was out of the question for me.. just curious.. wa tomorrow whole body sure ache.. now already left forearm, right and left calf, and my right thigh a bit aching already.. haha.. weak.

oh yes the story shall continue.. soon.. x)